At the end of lunch, we take a walk through a small park close to the church. In a quiet area, we stand by a pond watching ducks dive, looking for food. Evan turns toward me and rests his hands on my waist. This is new. We’ve never gotten this close before.
“I have a confession.” He’s looking a little nervous.
“What is it?”
“From the moment I met you, I’ve wanted to kiss you.” A little surprised gasp escapes my lips. “Would it be okay if I kiss you now?”
Now’s the time to test if there is anything more than friendship between us. And if the sparks are waiting for this moment to explode. I nod my consent. As he leans toward me, I close my eyes. Then his lips touch mine. The kiss is light, almost shy, and after a moment, we break apart.
Evan stares down at me with a slight crease between his eyes and a look of confusion. “That was… umm…”
I can tell the kiss didn’t knock his socks off either. “Should we try again?” I suggest. Just to be sure. Sometimes a first kiss can be awkward and takes a couple of tries to get it right.
“Definitely.” Again, he leans in, pulls me closer so our bodies are pressing against each other’s and kisses me. The kiss has just the right amount of pressure. Not too much tongue. He tasted good—no bad breath. It should’ve been heart-stopping. A few moments later, we stop and pull apart. Confusion is back on Evan’s face. “That was like kissing—”
“My brother, if I had one,” I say at the same time he says, “My sister, if I had one.”
After a second of stunned silence, we break into laughter. As much as I wanted this to be something, it just isn’t. If I have to force feelings, it’s never going to work.
I wipe a tear away from my eye and say seriously, “I’m so sorry.” For wasting his time. For not having the feelings I wanted to have for him.
Evan sighs with disappointment. “I’m sorry too.” He glances away for a moment. “I should have known this would never work.”
“Oh? Why do you say that?”
“Because every time you and Kade are in a room together, you can’t take your eyes off each other.”
I’m taken aback. “What?”
He slides his hands into his pockets. “The attraction is so obvious.”
Shaking my head, I say, “Kade is not my type, and I’m definitely not his.” Yet every time we’re together, that doesn’t seem to be the case.
It’s only physical. There’s no real deep connection.
“Are you sure about that? Because the way I’ve seen Kade look at you, I’d say you’re exactly his type.”
“It would never work. Our lives are so different. We don’t fit. And he’s not looking for anything serious.” How have we gone from kissing to talking about an attraction for another man? We really were meant to be just friends.
He gives me a sympathetic smile. “Well, if Kade isn’t for you, I hope you find someone amazing.”
“I wish that for you too.”
“Can we still be friends?” he asks.
“Absolutely.” And I mean it. I love Evan. Just not in the way I was trying to. I want him in my life.
He slides a hand into his pocket, then out again. He flips his wrist over and opens his palm. “Should we toss a coin to see who tells your father he has to stop planning our wedding?” He grins.
I drop my head into my hands and groan.
***
I lost the coin toss.
Yes, we actually tossed a coin to see who would break the news to my father. Evan was kind enough to suggest he come along for support. I denied the offer. This is something I need to do.
Back at work, I take a deep breath and enter my father’s office. He glances up from the book he’s reading. “How was your lunch with Evan?” I can see hope sparkling in his eyes. I take a seat. “It was good.” Rain that threatened my lunch break taps on the window. I take a moment to watch the water slide down the glass, trying to figure out how I’m going to break the news.
