“Much appreciated,” I say and return to enjoying her body.
My tongue, lips and finger all work together until that soft slickness tightens. Her moans make every lick that much better. When she digs her hand into my scalp, the pain sharpens my actions. Her breathing switches to panting and her cries are getting louder. She’s close.
“Maybe I’ll stop for now. Leave you wanting more.” I lift my head up between her legs and her expression softens. Not to the lust filled desire, but something else. I can’t place it.
“I’d be impressed if you did.”
My chest tightens, and I can hear my heartbeat rattling in my ears. She’s going to leave again. This is what I can give her. This is what she asked for. Without leaving her completely satisfied, she’ll think I’m a loser. That I’m worthless. Another reminder that no one will love me, unless I can make them come.
“Go ahead, Grae.” Her fingers leave my scalp and brush down my cheek. Her voice is soft and gentle. “Finish the job.”
She pulls me out of my spiral with that single phrase, and I close my lips around her clit as my fingers start pumping deeper. “Jesus fucking Christ and Odin too!” she cries out as her body quakes and shivers. Mission accomplished: she’s invoked deities.
Once she settles, she scoots over to the arm rest and pats her thighs. I join her on the couch, resting my head on her lap and my legs hang over the other armrest. Her fingers make circles in my hair, and the anxiety shrinks back down to its natural state of high alert. I close my eyes as she goes back to eating breakfast.
“Did any of your partners ever figure out that your self-worth and mental health are directly tied to your need to prove your good in bed?”
“No.” My face burns as I sit with the words and recall my partners in various forms of afterglow. She was the only one, and at a damn young age too. I’ve gotten in fights with partners about this very thing, and it’s ruined a few relationships.
“Did you ever tell anyone about your brother?” Shame hits me like a gut punch.
“No.”
Amanda, CJ, Lena, even Darren doesn’t know. I had an older brother who died when I was twelve. They don’t understand why I turn into a moody asshole around that time of year. They just accept it as reality. And they certainly don’t know that my brother left me a box of adult educational videos with the note, ‘You’re a weird little guy, if you can’t get them off then they’re not going to stay.’ Those were the last words from my brother and best friend.
“This was my chance to be a new person.”
“Grae might be an upgrade, but he’s still running off Davin’s base code.” She strokes my cheek and grazes her fingers across my lips. “More refined, but the bugs are now features.” Her face has a line or two that wasn’t there when she was in high school, and her eyes have that haunted expression that comes from seeing some shit.
“Is the same thing true about Kinsley and Alana?”
She does a half shrug, and says, “I’d like to think that Alana is a slightly more refined version of Kinsley, but all the coding is the same.” She’s quiet. “But just because I’d like to think it doesn’t mean it’s true.” When she finishes her breakfast, she nudges me to get up. I watch her dress with the clothes I bought her. I’m still in my boxers while she’s got armor on.
She faces me and the tiniest smile darts across her lips. “I see how hard you worked. And in case no one says it to you today, I’m proud of you.” My throat tightens, and I have to fight for my next breath.
“Thank you.”
She picks up her dress from the floor. I should’ve hung it last night. “I’m gonna steal the garment bag in the closet, ok?” She points over her shoulder to the bedroom.
“Of course.” I stand and lean on the doorframe as she wrestles the dress into the bag. Without looking at me, she says, “I like all the new ink.”
My chest and arm are almost completely covered now. Whenever I get a new idea, and Lukas has some time, I try to schedule a session.
“Thanks, my tattoo artist is awesome. He’s like the luckiest guy in the world, has an awesome girlfriend and two house cows.” He also solicited me for a threesome with the aforementioned girlfriend, but I turned him down. Information I don’t think is relevant at this moment.
Alana successfully zips the bag and turns to me. She’s studying me again, her gaze dances up and down my body, and she moves forward like she’s deciding. “Say it again.” Shit we talked a lot, and I think she can tell I’m struggling. “What you said to me when you first saw me last night.”
I step forward and put both hands on her cheeks. “I am so sorry.” I press my lips to her forehead, “That I ever made you feel less than the incredible woman you are.” I lift her chin, and she shuts her eyes for a beat and opens them again. “I am the man I am today, because you were the only one who saw what I could be.” I lean in and brush my lips against hers, “Thank you and I am so sorry.”
I was going for a soft tender moment, but instead she crashes her whole body into mine. She’s wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me like the last twelve years never happened.
When she pulls back, her hands rest on my neck, thumb tracing my chin. This was her spot, no one else could ever touch me like that. I used to flinch and push CJ away when he tried, and the one time Amanda did it, I almost vomited in her Louis Vuitton bag. This part of my body was reserved for Kinsley, left vacant for over a decade and now she’s back, and her touch feels like home.
“You taste like me.” She grins, and I put my hand over hers.
“You taste like French toast and coffee.” I shouldn’t push it, but I bent the no-kissing rule, and she blew it up beyond recognition. “Sorry for the kiss.” I’m not at all.
Then she smirks and repeats the same thing she said to me after our first kiss years ago. “It was a perfect moment. I’d be insulted if you didn’t.” Alana grabs her bag, “I should get going, some of us have jobs.” She winks and breaks away, walking back into the living room area and sliding on her shoes. I walk her to the door, she stops and puts her hand on my chest, “You get two weeks Davin Graeloche, that’s all, don’t do something stupid like catch feelings.”
