Me: I need to lick my wounds a little longer.
My Biggest Mistake: I totally understand.
Me: What have you been doing?
My Biggest Mistake: You haven’t been watching the security footage?
Me: I can’t watch that from my laptop and I’m still hungover.
But that’s a good idea. I scoot my chair over to the desktop computer on the other side of the room and flip on cameras to his apartment. He’s sitting on the couch he's supposed to give Lena. Donny and Lukas are playing video games. Teddy comes out of the bathroom making motions around his nose, which makes the rest of the guys sneer. Grae is pacing back and forth while typing feverishly.
My Biggest Mistake: I cried about a dead pirate ship with an assassin and some mob bosses.
Me: Your life is so fucking weird.
And it’s my fault.
He smiles as he types away.
My Biggest Mistake: The show is about pirates. That ship was their home for 300+ episodes! I stand by my tears.
Me: Like I said, I need more time to process, and you only have a few days on your trial membership.
He reads the text and his shoulders sink. He rubs his face and says something. A second later the game pauses as Donny pulls the phone out of his hand and shows it to Lukas. The phone gets passed around and decoded like ancient text. Lukas gives Grae pats on the back. Donny looks dead into the camera and gives me the finger.
Me: But I don’t plan on canceling the membership early. However, I don’t want to see you tonight, but what about we watch a movie and talk on the phone? I’ll have dinner delivered to your place.
He jumps up and nearly clocks Teddy in the face. But all four guys are jumping and punching each other like this is the single greatest victory. They all hover around the phone as Grae starts typing but then Lukas grabs the phone out of his hand. It gets passed around and each guy adds or deletes something to the text.
My Biggest Mistake: Cool, what time?
Me: Later than normal. I need to move Midge and me to a new location. My apartment was compromised. But I’ll text you when I’m ready.
My Biggest Mistake: I guess I’ll ask you follow up questions when we talk tonight.
My Biggest Mistake: Any specific movie?
Me: Something about a train. TTYL.
I watch the screen for a little while as they jump and dance with the frantic energy that can only be described as BOY. Then Teddy points out the camera to him and says, “She’s got two computers watching you.”
Grae looks down at the phone and then back at the camera. He drops his pants and wiggles his ass back and forth.
My Biggest Mistake: Enjoy the ass pic.
Despite everything, he still makes me smile. I scroll back through the list of activities he wants to do and I frown. Three out of the seven are sexual. Are we good at it? Hell yeah. But we are so much more. And if he can’t get past his need to pleasure his partner, he might never see who he can really be. As much as I may want to extend his trial or cancel it, I can’t let him go without at least addressing this.
He’s had years to figure this out on his own and he hasn’t. Like he’s content to stay stuck to those limits of worth. Well…I’m not letting that happen. Even if I need to tie him up and force him to deal with it.
CHAPTER 33
Grae
Day 11
Last night we talked about stupid shit and some important stuff too. I spent the first half hour apologizing, and she explained that what hurt her the most was that I did a better job keeping her safe than she did for me. Her hyper-competitive perfectionism wasn’t sure if she could get over that.
Then she reminded me I fucked her friend and called it even. Honestly, not the best resolution but I’ll take it.
