“I do want to be here,” I say quietly. “I get what you’re saying, but I want that clear. I’ve got things I need to deal with, and I’m tired of putting my life on hold because of them.”
Harvey studies me for a second longer, and then nods slowly. “What does putting your life off mean to you?”
I huff a quiet laugh. “Avoidance—people, relationships, roots. Leaving before someone can leave me. I live in a camper on land that isn’t even mine. Not exactly subtle when you think about it.”
“Why a camper?”
“I like being outside and it works with my job.”
Harvey waits, like he knows there’s more to own up to.
I huff out an annoyed grumble.
“And because if something changes, I can up and leave.”
“And do you ever leave?”
“No.”
“Why is that?”
“My grandmother is there, in memory care.”
“Has she been there long?”
“Three years.”
“And you’ve stayed close.”
“Of course.”
“The caregiver role isn’t an easy one to fill.”
I shrug because what does he expect? For me to abandon her because it’s hard?
“She’s in memory care. Some days she knows me, some days she doesn’t. But I’m the person who shows up. I’m not changing that.”
“I’m not suggesting you should.”
“Then what are you suggesting?” I ask too quickly.
“Just wondering if there’s room for anything else . . . something for you.
Aspen’s bright smiling face is the first thing that fills my mind.
“I met someone who makes me want a future.”
“Is that the only reason?”
Aspen was the spark—I won’t pretend she wasn’t.
But if she decides I hurt her too much, if the future I want with her isn’t the one I get, I’ll still show up next week.
Because that’s the whole point, isn’t it?
I can’t put the responsibility of saving me on someone who was only trying to love me.
“No.” I drag a hand over the back of my neck. Talking about myself is hard, nd rehashing my pain doesn’t change what I did, but maybe I can loosen its grip on me. “Somewhere along the way, I stopped feeling like I belonged anywhere. Before her, everything felt temporary, but opening myself up to a real connection made me realize I’m tired of living like I’m waiting for the next bad thing to happen”
