“Is this a regular thing—coffee with your friends?” I ask.
“We try to meet you every other week. I missed our last girls’ night because I was too tired to function after coming off a double.”
“You work a lot.”
She laughs. “Says the man who sleeps on the ground a couple hours a night during fire season.”
“That’s different.”
“How so?”
Because I don’t have this.
I glance toward the other room, eyes skipping over the photos.
Because I don’t deserve a life like this.
All of this—her, this town, this place—scares the shit out of me. It feels too much like belonging. And that’s a feeling I’ve never gotten to keep for long.
“Just is.”
She hums, leaning in, wrapping me in her sweet scent. “Can I grab you anything while I’m out?”
My palm wraps around the back of my neck, and she brushes it away.
“You’re going to contaminate my field.”
“Actualy, I need some groceries, and I’d like some clothes of my own.”
Her eyes light with mischief. “My brother’s style not your cup of tea?”
“I appreciate the lack of color,” I admit. “But crop tops aren’t really my thing, though I applaud his self-confidence.”
She snorts.
The truth is, wearing his clothes makes me feel connected to Aspen and this place.
“Give me a list and I’ll grab some things.”
Yeah, I don’t think so. Wearing clothes she picked out is worse than borrowing from her brother.
“I’d prefer to grab my own things,” I say, too stiffly.
It’s a retreat from the friendly tone we’ve been sharing and it brings her glare back.
“You were released from the hospital yesterday.”
She doesn’t mention the state I ended up in last night, but she doesn’t need to, we both remember.
“Not your problem.”
Something thick stretches between us. Her hands are still on me, and mine are at my side. Somehow, I manage to push her away with my glare.
I see the second the sparkle leaves her eyes, and my stomach sours as the hope slips from her face.
It’s fine.
Disappointing her now is better than giving her a false sense of something that can never be. The things we’re feeling, the way she calls to me, the way she looks at me, will fade with time. But the scars and damage I could cause would be permanent.
