The racing thoughts in my mind spun out of control as I trucked toward the doors.
I stopped dead in my tracks. “Hey, George?”
“Yeah, darlin’?” He braced his weight on the ladder before turning to face me.
“Do you ever wonder how different your life might’ve been had you made different choices?” I blurted.
“Of course,” he said, stepping down the ladder and crossing his arms over his chest. “I assume everyone does. We’re human. We like to constantly put ourselves through the misery of questioning the what-ifs.”
“Yeah, I guess. It’s just lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the choices I’ve made in my life, and some of them feel like I might have made the wrong ones, ya know?”
“Any choices in particular you’re talking about?” His big brown doe eyes softened. “Like maybe a certain wedding?”
“Oh god, no,” I said, half laughing. “That is actually something I haven’t questioned. Something I’m grateful for even. But I think feeling so okay about the wedding not happening just illuminated how freeing it can be when you actually do make the right choice…” My thoughts trailed off. I wasn’t sure how much or exactly what I wanted to divulge next.
“I’m listening.”
“Stetson wrote a new song, one that’s really damn good. One that feels like it might just stick around for a while.” I smiled, thinking about the day at my apartment. “It’s called ‘Choices’ and the lyrics are truly incredible. They’re not just words; they’re little pieces of wisdom that circulate through your brain and make you ponder the decisions you’ve made in your life. They make you wonder just how different your life could’ve been had things gone differently, had you made the right choice even if it was the hard one. And it’s really had me thinkin’…”
There was a time when things were really dark for me and I wasn’t sure I was ever going to see the light again. Choices were made and lives were changed and sometimes it was hard not to dwell on that. Or even worse, to overanalyze every single detail of it.
I continued on. “Thinking that maybe I haven’t always made the right choices. Especially in the moments that felt really hard and scary. That maybe at seventeen, I took the easy way out because selfishly I knew the other option was too fucking hard to deal with.”
“Scarlett,” he said, his boots tapping across the floor as he walked closer to me. “I’m gonna have to stop you right there.” He placed his hands on my shoulders; the area they covered consumed my entire upper half. “We all make choices, darlin’. Every damn day. That means we are bound to make some badones. That’s life. But you have to know that each one you make lays a path for the next one and the next one and so on. And no matter what, you have to believe that everything happens for a reason, especially because life’s too damn short to dwell on past choices. Now you’ve just got to move forward and continue to do your best and make the best decisions you can with what you’re given.”
The tiny tear ducts in my eyes swelled.
“It doesn’t make me a bad person?” I asked.
He smiled and shook his head back and forth.
“Not even a little bit,” he said, pulling me into a tight embrace. The smell of Copenhagen wafted through my nose. “Can I tell you something, Scarlett?”
I squeezed my arms tightly around his lower body, finding solace in his presence.
“Of course. Anything,” I answered.
He pulled us apart, dipping his head down “When Mrs. Freeman was in the hospital, I had to make a choice. I had to choose whether or not to keep her on life support or to let her go. For days, I grappled with what the right thing to do was, and I just kept coming up empty-handed. That’s when I realized, there was no right choice. There was onlymychoice, and whatever that was would be right for both of us.” He swiped his hand across his chin. “Selfishly, I would’ve kept that woman on life support for the rest of my life, and I think during those couple of weeks when I told everyone I was trying to decide what to do, I was really just buying myself time because I knew. I had to do what was best for her, and that was to finally let her go. To let her be free to run wild again.” The last word got caught in his throat, but he quickly cleared it.
“But that’s the problem.” I gritted my teeth. “I think I made the decision that was best for me, not someone else, and that reality is a hard pill to swallow.”
George knew exactly what I was talking about, and I was grateful I didn’t have to spell it out.
“But did you?” he asked. “Think about it. Think about who you were when you made that decision. Think about what your life would’ve looked like had you chosen the other path. Do you have that in your head?”
I nodded because words felt hard.
“Now I want you to think about how things looked because of the choice you did make. That wasn’t easy for you. Hell, that was probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do in your entire life.” His eyes were pinned to mine, convincing me of each word he said. “When you’re reeling through these past moments, don’t forget to change perspectives every now and then. It’s crucial to see the whole story when you’re looking back. You made the right choice. That, I can promise you. You understand?”
“When you put it that way, I guess it does seem less black and white and a little more understandable.”
“I’m not sayin’ that you can’t think about what life would’ve been like. I’m just sayin’ the past has already been written, and now the only thing you have left to write is the future. So, instead of wasting time trying to change things that can’t be changed, try focusing all that energy on the things you can.”
“You make it sound so easy,” I argued.
He laughed, releasing me from his grasp and returning to his full height.
“What’s so funny?” I questioned.
