Eliza:Andy, just talk to him. Today.
Me:I can’t. I told youwhy.
Eliza:I told you why youshould.
Me:I just… can’t.
I couldn’t face him. Couldn’t stand seeing him here like this in the office, wanting him so much but knowing it wasn’t possible.
Liam was always in before everyone arrived and still there when everyone left—more than he’d even been when he’d first bought us. He’d tried to catch my eye again the other day like he was going to come over, but I’d looked away quickly.
It didn’t matter how much my heart ached, I still struggled with his need to control everything.
Hello, kettle. This is pot calling.Yeah, Eliza had certainly made sure I’d got that memo.
But what Liam had done was nothing like me with Eliza. Yes, I liked to keep certain things… under control. But that just made sense. My sister was young, and I was looking out for her. It came from a good place, and Eliza knew that, underneath it all.
And of course I liked my independence, too—who wouldn’t? But independence isn’t the same as control. It’s just… adulthood, isn’t it? I’d never make decisions for Liam without his permission.Thatwas controlling.
How could he not have known how buying my painting would make mefeel?
I’d loved what we’d had together, especially since I’d got to know him more, but maybe our relationship had simply run its course. Maybe the grown-up thing to do would be to just accept we weren’t right for each other, and to move on. We were too different, that wasn’t going to change…
But still, my head lifted from my screen every time I heard his voice. He was almost always walking quickly, phone to his ear, his tone serious and subdued. Other than the odd glimpse of him, he was shut in rooms with Bonnie or the leadership team all day. The glass wall to the boardroom had been frosted.
I missed him. I missed laughing about silly anecdotes that only we found funny. Feeling his arms around me at night.
The way he was so formal one minute and then joking with me the next.
How stiff he was with Mr. Darcy, and how he tried so hard to be nice and pet him anyway.
How he noticed what I needed and always made sure I was okay.
And it hadn’t been getting better, the missing. It had been getting worse.
I even missed those hideous pink cushions I’d left at his place. He’d kept them there, exactly where I’d left them the night Hugo and Miranda came over, insisting heactually quite likedthem.
Did he lie on the sofa in his Snuggie with a pink pillow under his headwithout me? My eyes filled with tears every time I thought of it.
Eliza’s words had been going around in my brain nonstop.
“But you’re so scared that maybe if you care too much, maybe if you love someone for real instead of just looking after them like a stray cat, it might not work out, and then you’ll befucked.”
Wasit fear that kept me from reaching out to Liam?
No, anyone would feel like I did if their boyfriend had done what he had.
I slid open my phone.
Me:I’m glad we madeup.
Eliza:Aw, don’t be silly. We always make up. We’resisters.
Me:I just worry about you, youknow.
Eliza:I know youdo.
A pause.
