I didn’t change my mind because it was easy to be distracted watching Natalie Portman’s greatest hits. Just like the night before, Jia and Alyssa passed out on the couch mid-movie. They’d always been prone to trying to stay up watching movies later than they could handle. I was more of a night owl here in Boston, my body never fully accepting the time change between here and home. I usually stayed up a few hours later than them writing or doing homework.
When I crawled into bed just after midnight, I couldn’t settle my mind. What I really wanted was to talk to Leo. I missed him.
I picked up my phone and checked the time, sighing. He did say to call anytime, and if he was asleep, he probably just wouldn’t answer.
I pressed the button to dial him and waited while it rang.
He picked up on the third ring. “Hey, Hawaii.”
“Hey,” I said, not sure what to say. I wasn’t entirely sure why I called, except that I knew I missed him.
“How are you?” he asked. “I miss you.”
I smiled. “I miss you too. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I called. I couldn’t sleep and I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Don’t ever be sorry,” he said, and I wondered if the smirk I imagined on his face was really there. “Your voice is my favorite.”
I laughed, filled with warmth at the thought.
“Alyssa and Jia passed out during our last movie. I could really use one of your kisses right now to quiet my brain.”
“I wish I could be there to give you that. What’s your brain telling you?”
I snorted. “Well, here’s the really crazy thing. It’s telling me I’m fine. That yes, I was violated in a way that is terrifying and will probably have me afraid to drink in public forever, but also that it could have been a lot worse. And I’m not even remotely alone with this.”
“Why’s that so crazy?” he asked.
“Because I just experienced trauma, and I’m probably just in some deep state of denial.”
“What does your mom think? She’s a therapist, right?”
I laughed. “Yep. She thinks as long as I don’t bottle anything up inside, I’m looking at it from a healthy perspective.”
“Well, I mean, she’s the expert, not me, but she sounds pretty smart. If you’re her kid, I’m guessing she’s gotta be smart,” he said.
“She is. I talked to Kennedy too. She was almost roofied once. She rejected a drink from a guy who cornered her and assaulted her later that night in a club.”
“Holy shit, Soph. That’s terrible.”
“Yeah. Takes a lot of dirtbag men who make the statistics what they are. But then there are guys like you who are willing to watch someone puke a half a dozen times in a twelve-hour period.”
He chuckled. “I will watch you puke anytime. Probably not my favorite way to spend time with you, but I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
I yawned, starting to feel tired. “Leo, have you ever had a friend with benefits before?”
“No,” he said.
“So, you don’t really know the rules either?” I asked, putting the phone on speaker and setting it next to my head on the pillow.
“I think we get to make up our own rules, Hawaii.”
“Could one of the benefits tonight be that you stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep? That way I can pretend I’m not alone right now?” I asked, wishing for the first time that we did do sleepovers, that I could curl up with him and feel the strength of his arms around me as I drifted off.
“Yes,” he said. I imagined him here with me as I closed my eyes, already feeling my body relax when he spoke again, “You never have to be alone again, Hawaii. That’s a benefit I’d give you too if you asked.”
I wanted to respond but sleep pulled me under, and I listened to the gentle sound of his breathing in my ear as my brain conjured images of us together in ways that looked a lot more like boyfriend and girlfriend than friends with benefits.
When my eyes snappedopen in the morning, I remembered that I’d been on the phone with Leo. I picked up the phone off my pillow, finding the call still connected. I could hear rustling coming through the speaker.
