Kennedy:Well, pretty close.
Kennedy:Probably.
Mom:I doubt that.
Me:Ladies, can we focus on the situation in front of us? I have a boy coming home who Ireallylike. Can you please come up with a plan to control Dad and Dave? It’s bad enough meeting a girl’s dad but Leo has to meet two dads plus Uncle Eric.
Me:Tell me you understand what I’m working with here.
Mom:I’ll take care of Dave. Kennedy, you deal with Danny, and good luck to you. I’d give you a suggestion for how I think you should tell him, but I don’t want to scar Soph.
I’m obviously scarred enough already because I know what that suggestion is and so does everyone who read his first book.I shuddered and rolled my neck.
Kennedy:You know Eric is your real problem, right? He’s the giant SEAL who can snap this kid’s neck if he wants to.
Me:Please don’t let him do that.
Kennedy:I can control Eric. Probably.
Kennedy:There is very little I can do about Danny when it comes to you and boys. He knows what we were like when we were your age and that works against you. I’m sorry, kid.
Mom:When you were their age? You’re still like that!
Me:Can’t you think of something? Do the thing Mom didn’t spell out if you must, but I need him to be chill.
Kennedy:I’ll make up the pool house for you two as a start.
Me:You think he’ll let us sleep together in the pool house? I was going to ask for it, but I figured he was more likely to send Leo out there alone.
Kennedy:When we were your age, we’d been living together for years. I won’t let him be a hypocrite about a few nights in the pool house.
Mom:I have faith in you, Kennedy, but not in that argument. Between the two of us, he got us pregnant three times that year, remember? He’ll have zero confidence in this arrangement.
Kennedy:I’ll handle it. What does the hockey player drink for coffee?
Me:Americano.
Mom:I’ll see you this evening and I’ll pick up the coffee for you both from Kennedy. Is the arrival time still six?
Me:Well, about that…we’re on a private jet.
Kennedy: Who are you bringing home? Tom Brady?
Mom:That’s football, not hockey, Kennedy.
Me:Turns out the hockey player is super rich. Like, his mother owns a multi-billion-dollar company that he has ownership in. I just learned this today.
Kennedy:And I was impressed when Danny said he had a trust fund. Apparently, the next generation gets quasi-billionaires.
Mom:Andhockey stars.
Kennedy:Why would I want a hockey player? You’ve seen Danny on a surfboard. That is utter perfection.
Me:Gross. Can we not? We’re landing around 8:00 p.m.
Mom:You want me to come alone or bring your dad?
Me: Alone.
