‘No, it’s all right,’ she lied, saving his feelings. ‘I just…needed a moment, I suppose.’
‘I wanted you to meet my friends. People from the business. So you could…I dunno. Know something else about me that wasn’t being abducted by a jealous faerie king. You know? Although that is a pretty standard relationship milestone, obviously.’ He half smiled, looking away shyly. ‘There’s still somuch we don’t know about each other, Faye. I know I love you, but…dunno. It’s been tough.’
‘I know,’ she said, feeling guilty.
‘I know we need to talk more about…what happened. I know. But I’m not ready, okay? I’ll tell you when I am. But I’m only just back on my feet, and…’ He trailed off, closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead with his thumb and forefinger.
‘I don’t expect you to talk about it until you’re ready. I know how weird and scary it was, and I can only imagine…’ She saw in his eyes that even this was too much for him, and so she trailed off and looked away at the bustling street. She knew he needed to heal. And yet, there was a question in her mind that she didn’t want to ask, and felt sure that she didn’t want to hear the answer to, so she pushed it away. What if Ravneverwanted to talk about being kidnapped by Finn?
‘Your friends think I’m lying. About Murias. They’re worried about you. They think we’re either both mad or we spent months high as kites together,’ Faye blurted out. Perhaps she shouldn’t betray Sumi’s confidence, but the injustice of her accusations stung.
Rav looked away. ‘I don’t blame them. The more time I’m away from Abercolme, the more I wonder if I dreamed it all.’
‘But you didn’t dream it, Rav. You know you didn’t, right?’ Faye was aghast.
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
‘I know. I know, okay? But…I don’t want to talk about it. It’s not the time.’
‘Okay.’
There was an uncomfortable silence. Faye knew that she could never tell him about the baby.Perhaps it will be all right. Perhaps it won’t ever happen, it’s a nightmare, a hallucination.She tried desperately to reconcile it all in her mind, but sheknew she was lying to herself. It had happened. She’d made the bargain. And she could never tell him.
‘D’you want to go back in?’ He reached for her hand. ‘Promise I won’t leave you alone with them again. They’re a tough crowd, I guess, when you don’t know them.’ He smiled ruefully.
‘You need to talk to them. To Sumi. Try and make her understand I’m not some kind of monster,’ Faye insisted. ‘Please, Rav. For me?’
‘I’ll talk to them. But not right now, okay?’
‘Fine.’
Faye didn’t want to go back in, but she acquiesced.
She followed him back into the bar and let its darkness and chaos swallow her up.
She smiled, but it was a mask, and they both knew it.
10
‘What a bitch.’ Annie poured a whole bottle of red wine into three enormous glasses and handed one to Susie and one to Faye.
‘Which one?’ Faye rolled her eyes and took her glass.
‘Yeah, well. The friend, I guess ye could say she was only lookin’ out for Rav. But the ex-girlfriend? She’s obviously jealous. Probably still has feelings for the guy, thesleekithussy,’ Annie added before taking a large gulp.
‘You’ve got to wait for it to breathe, you heathen.’ Susie laughed and swirled her wine around her glass. ‘Just as well I bought these big ones before you moved in,’ she said, raising her eyebrow at Faye. ‘You’ve probably gone teetotal without this one around, I expect,’ she added, smiling. ‘It’s so good to see you again, Faye. It’s been forever.’
‘You too. I’m so glad you two found each other again. She never stopped going on about you, Susie.’ Faye clinked her glass against theirs. ‘To old friends and new love.’
An evening in Annie and Susie’s quietly luxurious, comfortable flat was just the respite Faye needed after last week’s night out with Rav’s friends. They’d stayed out much laterthan she expected, going to another late bar and then out for food into the early hours. For the whole night, Faye had felt the foggy, malicious presence of London encircle her unpleasantly.
She’d made herself smile and be pleasant, asked questions and laughed at jokes that she didn’t think were funny and listened to long music business conversations that she didn’t understand, but by the time they got back to Rav’s flat at four in the morning, she was so exhausted that she woke up the next morning with a pounding headache.
‘Aye, shut up, Faye.’ Annie blushed. ‘I wasn’talwaystalkin’ aboot her. Ye make it sound like I was some lovesick hare, gazin’ at the moon.’
‘Near enough.’ Faye grinned, taking a sip of the wine. It was lovely being with Annie again, and Susie was as adorable as Faye remembered; they’d been an item years before, but the long distance hadn’t worked out at the time. Susie was short, with a platinum blonde bob she wore straight for her work as a solicitor; tonight, it was in slightly uneven pigtails. She was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt with an obscure computer game reference, with a pink cardigan over the top and large gold hoop earrings with her name inside them in looping gold script.
Annie gave Faye an affectionate stare, pretending to be outraged.
