On the train home, changing from one confusing underground line to another, Faye had been holding on to the comfort of getting home to Rav. She had also pondered the fact that the kelpie had obeyed her, but curiously, only as far as getting her to the fae kingdom and back again. It had not taken her to Aisha in Murias. Why? She didn’t know, but it had demonstrated to her yet again how it never paid to trust fae creatures. Everything was a half-truth, a half-commitment.
She needed Rav. She felt awful and sad and unsure of what to do next. But Rav was drunk, and his ex-girlfriend was drapedover the couch like she owned it. Faye took a deep, wavering breath, fought her anger back and walked into the lounge.
Mallory watched her wipe up the beer without any acknowledgement.
‘Hey, Faye. You okay?’ It didn’t take a genius to work out that Faye wasn’t exactly thrilled, and Rav was picking up on her mood.
‘Fine. I’m going to bed.’ She didn’t bother saying anything to Mallory. Rav followed her to the bedroom.
‘You’re not all right. What is it? Mallory? We’re just friends.’ He looked guilty, and it irritated Faye even more.
‘She’s your ex-girlfriend, and she’s here drinking beer with you while I’m out,’ Faye snapped. ‘You didn’t even tell me she was coming over. And you’re acting guilty about it.’
‘She called around. I was working, fancied a break. That’s all.’
‘How convenient,’ she muttered, getting undressed.
‘Come on, Faye – you really aren’t one to talk. It’s not likeI’mtwo-timing you with some faerie queen. It’s just a beer.’ The words were out of his mouth like they had been sitting there on his tongue, waiting to be said for months.
‘Excuse me?’ Faye stopped unbuttoning her jeans and stared at Rav. He looked away uncomfortably.
‘I didn’t mean that,’ he muttered, but the words were lodged in the air between them, each letter like a brick building a wall, and it was too late to take them back. Yet, as angry as she was, Faye knew where she had just been. She knew that her self-control had crumbled when Finn touched her, and a wave of guilt washed over her.
I didn’t do anything. I stopped it, she told herself. But the truth was that until Annie had called her back, Faye had still not had the strength to say no to Finn Beatha once the glamour of faerie had come over her.
‘I didn’t two-time you. You know I didn’t,’ Faye said in a low voice, conscious that Mallory was in the lounge – it wasn’t a huge flat and she could probably hear everything they were saying. Faye jabbed her finger in the direction of the lounge. ‘She still has feelings for you. Sumi told me. You shouldn’t be encouraging her.’
‘I’m not. She came to see me! That’s not fair,’ Rav protested.
‘Who cares about being fair to Mallory! What about me? It’s not fair tome. It’s not okay that you guys are here getting drunk together without even telling me, Rav.’ Faye sat on the bed in her bra and jeans half-undone feeling frustrated. More than that, her heart was breaking because she loved Rav. They had been careful not to say it yet because they were both so bruised, both so broken. But she did love him.
Right now, she needed to feel safe, and Rav, who had been the stability she needed these last few months, was suddenly showing himself to be…what? Unreliable? A liar? Her throat tightened.
‘I think we need to talk,’ Rav said. He got up and walked out; in the lounge, she heard voices, then the front door opening and closing again. Faye finished undressing and put on her bathrobe before following him into the lounge.
‘She’s gone. Said she didn’t feel comfortable staying since we were obviously having a row.’ He drained his bottle of beer. ‘Seems there’s a lot you’re not happy about,’ he said, turning off the TV and facing her.
Faye sat on the edge of the sofa, her head in her hands.
‘It was an intense kind of night,’ she said, not meeting his gaze.
‘What happened?’ He frowned, taking her hand in his. She felt the warm reassurance of him, as well as the manly power he exuded. It made her feel sick that she could ever have been taken in by Finn again.
Haltingly, Faye told him about trying to find Aisha. His face clouded over.
‘Faye. You shouldn’t have done that. It’s too dangerous.’ His heavy brow darkened. ‘You put yourself at risk.’
‘I know. But I can’t just leave her there!’ Faye exclaimed. ‘I saw her in the crystal. Locked up in one of those cages in the faerie reel. That’s where you’d be if I hadn’t got you out.’
She wanted to tell him what she’d promised Levantiana, but even thinking about it caused her throat to close up again, threatening to choke her. She coughed hard until the sensation passed. What would happen if she ever did fall pregnant? If she and Rav had a child together, how would it be, knowing that it could be taken from her at any time? And what would he say, how horrified would he be if that happened and he found out that she’d known all along that it would? That she was unable to stop it? Faye felt sick.
He looked away.
‘I know you saved me. I…I hate it that you did. Not because I want to be there still. But because I was too weak to help myself.’ He punched the wall suddenly, and it made Faye jump.
‘Sometimes, I think I imagined the whole thing. I wish I had.’
Faye’s heart broke as she watched Rav’s expression – a haunted blankness she’d tried to erase with kindness. He didn’t want to remember; he was trying to bury what had happened to him.
