Lord Tolliver seemed to understand none of the significance of this promise, or perhaps all of it, for he patted her fingers weakly and said, “My darling girl.”
Lottie walked back like a ghost to her chamber, where she was surprised to find Jasper waiting, sitting upon her bed in the very place he had occupied the night before, when they had made their clandestine plans. He was dressed for the day with his usual care, though no amount of tailoring could quite conceal that he too had slept very little.
“You cannot be here,” she said without feeling.
“Pish posh. We were about to run away at midnight together.”
Despite herself, Lottie smiled.
“How is he?” Jasper asked.
“Dr Bell says he shall recover.”
“And you?”
She nodded and stood before him. “I cannot go, Jasper.”
He smiled sadly. “I know. I would not ask it of you.”
She searched his countenance. The man must be furious, and so she would meet his fury head-on. “Are you angry with me?”
“Never.”
“Disappointed?”
“Yes.” He held her gaze. “But not in you.”
Kindness, she was discovering, could be a dreadful thing when one had no armour prepared for it.
“I am disappointed,” he continued, “because for a few hours I allowed myself to imagine a very pretty madness, and now I must fold it away like a coat unsuited to the weather.”
Her mouth trembled. “America was a coat?”
“A handsome one. Recklessly cut. Entirely impractical in rain.”
She gave a broken laugh. How did this man disarm her so very easily? “For what it is worth, Iamsorry.”
“Do not be. It was always your choice to make, little Lottie.”
She rolled her eyes at the name. “But I did not choose it. Papa collapsed.”
“Then perhaps life chose with appalling timing, as life is often inclined to do.” He stood. “Let me unpack for you. Lie down and rest.”
She had no energy to argue with the gentle command, and so she sank onto the edge of the bed with a nod and a sigh.
He placed the valise upon the floor and took out her cloak, her purse, her books, and her pistol (at which he raised a brow). When he came upon the chemises, he handled them with such exaggerated solemnity that Lottie almost laughed again.
As he closed the valise, a great weariness came over Lottie, so sudden and complete that she scarcely knew how to remain upright.
Jasper noticed at once. “You should sleep.”
Under ordinary circumstances, she would have objected, but the coverlet looked terribly soft, and her bones felt as though someone had removed them, shaken them, and put them back in the wrong order. She nodded and climbed under the covers.
Jasper drew the folded coverlet over her with care.
Lottie watched him through half-closed eyes. “Are you leaving?”
“Of course. Sleep now and we shall discuss it all on the morrow.”
