“I can’t do this,” I said, radiating heat and panic. My vision was already tunneled; Wes was the only thing I could see.
“You can.” Wes’s eyes darkened. His gaze dropped to my lips for a split second, then returned to my eyes with a fierceness that nearly made my knees buckle. “Ask me for what you need, and I will give it to you.”
11
NOVA
The moment Jayne spotted us, she approached. Maybe I was imagining it, but I swore Wes’s stance became protective in an instant.
“Wes,” Jayne said warmly, not reacting to his intensity. “Do you two need a private room before Nova’s sermon?”
Wes nodded, and Jayne warmed us in the glow of her approval, as if we were acting perfectly in the roles she’d cast. But I was too hyped up on adrenaline to care much about her Machiavellian schemes.
“Remember, speak from the heart,” she said to me, voice deceptively caring. “Just a few minutes, nothing more. People want to hear your story—why you’re here and what desires await you beyond the illusory veil of fear.”
I had to fight the urge to glare at her. Never in a million years would I tell these people the intricacies of my trauma for them to weaponize against me. They would only hear what I allowed them to hear. Every part would be humiliating, but at least I wouldn’t be giving them too much of me.
“I have a story in mind,” I forced out.
“I’m so pleased to hear that. You’re going to be our brightly burning star.” She beamed, referencing the astronomical meaning of my name. “You look gorgeous, by the way.” She trailed a hand down my bare shoulder, and I struggled to hold back a shudder. Then, she glanced at Wes. “You both do.”
Wes didn’t move from his spot close to me, nor did he say a word to Jayne. It would seem his penchant for manners was selective.
“Thank you,” I said for both of us.
Jayne took us into a small room off the nave, one with chairs, bookcases, a desk, and a small couch. “I’ll keep them occupied while you work your magic,” she said with a wink.
It was amazing to me that Jayne had been confident enough to know I would fall in line and Wes would help by using hypnosis, exactly as she’d predicted. She was like a frighteningly beautiful chess grandmaster.
Or a dog with superintelligence.
“What’s funny?” Wes asked, lifting a brow.
I couldn’t believe I’d managed to smile at a time like this, and at my own internal joke, no less. “Nothing is funny right now,” I said. “Let’s get this over with.”
Wes waited. And waited.
I exhaled. He’d told me to ask for what I needed, so I said the words before I could do any more thinking. “Will you please hypnotize me to tell my brief story about desire and shame and nothing more, keeping all specifics of my past before New York locked behind an ironclad safe? I want to feel calm and free to speak without any anxiety.” I sucked in a breath. “Please.”
It took Wes a moment to process my words, though his eyes had flashed on the wordplease, which I realized I’d humiliatingly used twice.
“Yes, Nova,” he said. His lips twitched. “Lie down on the couch.”
Something about the order calmed me, if only a drop. His cool authority was a balm to my racing mind.
I lay on the couch, and Wes pulled a chair next to me.
This was so fucking reckless. I knew Wes promised me I would still be in control even under hypnosis, but part of me was too scared to believe him. I was paranoid if he did manage to hypnotize me, he could do literally anything he wanted. He could brainwash me, make me do things I didn’t want to do, reveal things I had no intention of revealing.
He must’ve read the panic in my eyes, because his mask of certainty softened. “You don’t have to do this.”
I studied him. I remembered last week—the Wes who showed me egg creams and cared about my feet hurting and asked a bodega guy about his family.
“I want to,” I said, and it wasn’t a lie.
I was terrified,but I wanted to. Not only for Lorelei, but also forme.
Because for the first time in a long time, with Wes in this world between worlds, I felt achingly alive.
