I wondered if Jack had liked his truck. And I wondered how quickly my life would fall apart when we confronted each other. And, more importantly, how quickly I could shove all of this into somewhere dark, deep inside me and instead concentrate on where I was. In Wolfe’s arms, in front of the fire, curled up on his lap like a cat, my arms around his middle, his fingers in my hair.
“Wolfe?” I asked, my voice low.
“Yes, sweetness?” he answered, in a way that told me he’d give me anything I wanted the second he learned I wanted it.
I moved, a low surge of my body, easing up, clasping Wolfe’s neck with my palm pressed to warm skin. I kissed his jaw and sighed as I brushed my nose along it, tender skin across hard bone.
I kissed his mouth, tasting a bit of sugar there, and licked into his mouth, my eyes closed, soaking in the sensation. The way his body moved beneath me, his arms tightening around me. The way he then went still, hands on my jaw. I opened my eyes and saw the flickers of firelight in his.
“Sweetness,” he said again, the word sounding like a prayer, settling over me like a blessing.
He unzipped and unbuttoned my jeans and slipped his hand beneath the elastic of my briefs. His fingers were cool; the breadth of his palm warm.
I shifted, my mouth falling open, not in shock, but at having arrived at that moment, him touching me like he was. Stroking me up and down, bringing my cock to hardness. Without shame, bringing me to a place where intimacy grew, tender and sweet. The backs of his fingers moved against my belly, and my breath shuddered in my throat, and the fire’s warmth spread over us.
I came in his hand, curled forward, hips bare in the fire’s light, a ribbon of white curling over his knuckles. He let me down easy, grip softening, using the heel of his hand to wipe the moisture from my belly.
He held me close as I breathed, snug in his arms. He tried to tug my underwear up, but couldn’t, and he left me like that, half-bare, his palm on my hip, fingers on my skin. Kisses on my cheek, the perfume of his hair in my lungs.
With this, within that moment, I knew I could go and see Jack and that it would be okay. With Wolfe near, I could do anything.
CHAPTER 26
blue
Friday dawned bright and clear. I took a shower and wiped the dampness from the mirror with a sweep of my hand and looked at myself. Would we recognize each other? Jack had cleaned up well, Wolfe had said. I was clean all over, a state I’d been without for the past two years.
Memories sprang forward of the three of us washing up with cold water from an outdoor tap behind someone’s house.
There had been no cars in the driveway of the house near the tracks, so we stopped. Drank their outdoor water. Went through their trashcans, coming out smelling like yesterday’s grease and old banana peels. Jack had just laughed as if the whole thing was an adventure. Looking back, maybe it had been.
“We can put it off,” Wolfe said when I came out of the bathroom, dressed, rubbing my hair with a towel. He took over, patting my hair dry, running his fingers through it to get the tangles out. A kiss on my cheek, his soft hands cupping my face. “Whatever you want.”
What Wolfe didn’t deserve was to have to put up with me being in a foul mood because I was putting it off, so I shook my head. Laced my boots and put on my parka and led the way into the balmy thirty-degree day. Snow dripped from the eaves,falling into the narrow crevice the icicles had left behind, having broken from the gutters and fallen into the melting white lumps along the outside of the cabin.
Wolfe was close behind, his parka open, jingling keys in his pocket. We got into the truck. It roared to life, and Wolfe drove along the bare asphalt road to Hysham. As we pulled into the parking lot of the feed and grain, I gripped the handle, wanting to be a million miles away.
A red truck was parked at the edge of the parking lot, all on its lonesome, safe from dings of careless doors. The chrome glinted all around; the tires looked menacingly large.
I could imagine Jack driving it, the windows down, his hair flying around, him laughing. Morgan at his side. Wolfe had told me about Morgan, and I was going to meet him, too. I’d rather not meet anyone. I wanted to tell Wolfe to reverse the truck and drive back to the cabin.
Instead, I got out as Wolfe turned off the engine. And marched myself to the front door. Opened it with nerveless fingers, my ears tuned to the sound of Wolfe’s footsteps right behind me.
My heart raced. It could be nothing. Or it could be a shitshow. Maybe Jack wouldn’t care where I’d been or what had happened on top of that boxcar. But I wanted to tell him my truth. And maybe I wanted him to care.
I walked into the feed and grain through those double glass doors and looked around. There were two people wandering in the aisles; the air was still and cold, and as I looked up, I could see the windows that Wolfe had mentioned. Two were patched up with plywood, and the rest looked thin and old. Past their prime.
The money to fix them had bought Jack a shiny new toy, which I knew, without a doubt, he appreciated. I wished him joy driving it. I wished myself a million miles away.
“Can I help you?” asked a man, dark brown hair, gray threaded through. A tired look around his eyes. I knew he was Morgan because he was using a purple cane.
I stopped. Wolfe almost stepped on my heels. And from behind Morgan came Jack. Glossy-haired, those green eyes I remembered, bright as though someone had fed him and cared for him. He was wearing the kind of flannel shirt that Wolfe favored, rolled up his forearms. He carried a broom and a dustpan, displaying an air so domestic that I didn’t quite know what to think.
He recognized me instantly.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” His eyes glittered hard and dark. He laid the broom and dustpan on the counter and came at me, fists balled, mouth snarling. I’d never seen him like that, angry, bent on doing harm to another human being. “And where’s Star?”
Star had been on my mind as well, as to how far he’d gone before getting off the train. All on his own. He was resourceful, yes, but we’d come to rely on each other, and now both Jack and I had left him.
