Cali’s eyes quickly adjusted to the dark and made out a tiny figure perched on the back of the wooden brandy wagon that huddled between the tavern and the bridge. “Rog?” She glanced behind her at the tavern door. “I thought you were inside.”
He beckoned with one hand for her to join him. “I needed a break from the dancing.”
She laughed as she walked toward him, making out more details of her friend in the faint glow from the flickering lantern swinging over his head. “You?”
He returned the laugh, scooting over and patting the space next to him. “You know I love this village, but sometimes I crave the quiet moments that came with crewing.” He flapped a hand at her, as if waving away unspoken arguments before she could make them. “I know crewing isn’t solitary, but when it was just the six of us on the road, sometimes there was no one but us camping out in a field. Everyone would drift off to sleep one by one until it was just you and your thoughts.”
“Unless Pirrin talked in his sleep,” Cali reminded him.
Rog stroked a hand down his blue beard. “Or Vaskel blew out smoke when he snored.”
Cali smiled at the memory of their crew sleeping around a smoldering fire and cocooned in darkness. She could almost catch of whiff of braised meat on the breeze and hear the muffled whinny of the horses they’d always tethered nearby. The sensations were so sharp and vivid that she could barely swallow.
“I know what you mean,” she finally said. “It was different when it was just us.”
Rog produced a jug of apple brandy from behind his back and uncorked it with a resonant pop. “Don’t mistake my meaning. I’m happy as I could be to be back with my Rosie.”
“And not running from a bunch of trolls.”
The gnome took a glug and made a face, although Cali wasn’t sure if it was the trolls or the brandy that elicited the grimace. “Not one of our better quests.”
Cali took the offered jug from her friend. “It wasn’t so bad until Pirrin insulted the troll queen.”
“By calling her a troll king.”
Cali almost choked on her mouthful of brandy as she stifled a laugh. “An honest mistake, to be fair.”
Rog laughed alongside her, although their laughter faded away into sadness at the memory of their friend.
“Do you miss it?” Cali asked, her voice soft. “The crewing? The adventures?”
“Not enough to return to it.” Rog didn’t pivot his head as he took back the jug and balanced it on his knees. “The part I miss is gone. The six of us together.” He huffed out a cloud of breath. “But maybe it was never there in the first place.”
She tilted her head to take in his profile. “What do you mean?”
“I like to remember us as a united team, getting along, overcoming obstacles together. But that’s more wishful thinking than anything. There was rarely a time when Malek wasn’t worrying us with his magic or Vaskel wasn’t charming some village wife with a hotheaded husband.”
“But that wasn’t so bad,” Cali said. “All crews have some conflict.”
“They do, but it does us no good to keep our eyes fixed on the past and only remember the best times. It makes it hard for us tobe fully in the now. One day we’ll look back on this very night as one of the good old days. Might as well enjoy it now.”
Rog’s words silenced her. He was right, of course. She’d spent most of her life with one foot planted firmly in the past and constantly chasing something she seemed destined to never find.
“But what if I can’t give up the past?” she whispered.
The gnome studied her for a moment. “It isn’t the adventuring you’re searching for, is it?”
She shook her head.
“Even when we ran together, you were always looking for something. I thought it was just the restless need to prove yourself, but it’s more than that, isn’t it, Cal?”
Cali had never shared much of her past. Not even with her closest friends. Part of her was afraid that if she told anyone they might tell her she was being foolish and there was no hope. But so much time had passed that not even she was sure it was hope that kept her looking as much as habit. And she couldn’t think of any reason not to tell one of her dearest friends.
“There was a woman,” the words fell from her mouth in a tumble. “When I first started crewing, I fell in with a rough crew. The only redeeming part of it was Adelaide.”
Rog’s small face bunched. “You never mentioned an Adelaide before. Not even when you talked about your old crews.”
“I know I didn’t. I couldn’t bear to talk about her.” Cali tugged at her whiskers. “We were close, probably because we were the only two in the bunch who weren’t criminals to the core. I never understood why she’d fallen in with the lot, but she’d been withthem when I joined. All I knew for certain was that she wanted out. We both did.” Cali snatched a breath but kept talking. “We planned to leave together as soon as we’d saved enough to go out on our own.”
