Maybe I should have taken Addie’s advice and put a bit more effort into what I’m wearing.
I notice Karen as soon as she strolls through the glass doors, wearing a dark red dress that hugs her curves and lipstick to match. She really is a beautiful woman. “Nolan,” she says when she approaches, greeting me with a hug.
I can do this.
We settle onto barstools side by side, and I order a whiskey I don’t plan on drinking while she orders a red wine the same shade as her dress. She crosses her legs toward me, her heel an inch from my shin.
I admire her in this moment. She seems relaxed. Comfortable in a setting that’s anything but.
“To getting out of the house,” she says, lifting her glass toward mine.
“I’ll drink to that.”
She has a nice smile. Straight teeth. “I can’t remember the last time I sat at a bar with someone and had a drink. But I probably shouldn’t be admitting how sad my life is on a first date.”
“I understand more than you know,” I say, and that’s the truth. Even before Jess left, we hadn’t been out just the two of us in years.
“How old are yours?” she asks, putting her hand on my arm, resting against the bar. I try to feel something from her touch, but all I feel is a hand on my skin.
“Seventeen and six,” I say, taking a drink from my whiskey. “Tyler is ten now, correct? He’s a nice kid.”
“He really is,” she says, softening at the mention of her son. “He’s been having a hard time of it though, making friends, fitting in with kids who’ve known each other forever.”
“It takes time,” I say, gently, relaxing into the conversation. This, I can talk about. “Rosehill can feel closed off, but soon enough, it’ll be like you’ve been here forever.”
She purses her lips. “Were you born here?”
“Born and raised. Never saw any reason to leave.”
“I always wanted that. Somewhere that felt like home. We moved around a lot when I was still with my ex and—” she shakes her head. “It’s very different now.”
“What brought you to Rosehill?”
She shrugs her shoulders, making her hair bounce. “I don’t know. Something about it seemed peaceful.” She laughs at herself a little. “That sounds crazy.”
“No, it doesn’t.” She’s not wrong. Rosehill is peaceful forsome. But I think about Will, struggling to find work. Being judged wherever he goes. The way you’re treated here if you don’tfit the mold.
I never thought bad about my town. I was proud to be from Rosehill. But right now? I don’t know if I’d pick it.
There’s a lull in conversation when the bartender refills her glass, but it picks back up easily. She asks about the practice, and I ask about being a hairdresser. She tells me about her sister who lives an hour away. I make the mistake of bringing up my in-laws, and I can tell that doesn’t sit well, but I move past it, asking if her son plans on playing basketball this year.
She never asks about Jess.
I wouldn’t know what to say if she did.
I’m not much of a drinker. I never have been. And that’s clear by the mostly full cup of whiskey still sitting in front of me. Karen doesn’t share that quality.
On her third glass of wine, her posture loosens up even more than it already was, and her laugh comes more easily. She leans toward me when she talks, putting her prominent cleavage on display. My eyes dart down on instinct,I am only human,but when they meet hers again, she seems pleased.
Like that was the goal.
I never thought this would be my life, sitting at a bar with a woman approaching tipsy, getting to know each other. But I think about what my life would look like if this became something. She’s nice, and she’s funny, and she’s beautiful.
She has a son a few years older than Ollie.
There are no butterflies. But I’m forty five years old with two kids and a wife who left me. I’m not sure I believe in butterflies anymore.
Maybe that’s not what I should be looking for.
