“I think you’ve never made the decision to be clean.” He goes quiet, and I know it’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth. “You said it yourself. You got clean because you went to jail. You said you might as well go back—”
“Come on, you know I didn’t mean that, I was pissed off and—”
“It doesn’t matter if you meant it at the time. You’ve spent the majority of your life chasing your next high, and it was unreasonable of me to expect you to stay clean. I see that now. I shouldn’t have put my feelings on you, I should have been helping the way I said I would, and I’m sorry that I failed you.”
“I didn’t do anything, Nolan,” he argues, a last-ditch effort to convince me of his lie, his voice stripped raw. “I got up early and came down here because I wanted to do something nice for you. You gotta believe me, man.”
As much as I want to believe him, to try to salvage whatever is left of our relationship after this conversation, I shake my head. “Go home, Will.”
He looks at me for a long time. Long enough that I almost say something else, but I don’t. I can see us breaking. Any feelings he might have actually had for me falling away, as the old hate sinks back in. The Will that shoved me at my daughter’s birthday party.
“Fine,” he says, grabbing his keys off the counter, not even bothering to put on more clothes.
“Will,” I call out when he opens the door. Because whatever this was to him, my feelings are real, and I still care about him. “If you need help, I can—”
“Go to hell, Nolan,” he growls, leaving before I can say anything else, slamming the door behind him.
Leaving me alone, standing in the kitchen full of food he made for me.
It’s all gone cold by now. The jam is open on the counter with the knife still in it, and if I hadn’t gone into my bathroom and discovered what he had done, I would be upstairs, enjoying it with him, and even though it’s better to know the truth—
I wish more than anything that I didn’t.
Chapter 23
I go to work. I take care of my patients. I laugh at their jokes. I come home, and I help Addie with her math homework, and I throw something together for dinner, and I sit on the couch while Ollie watches his show.
I stare at the wall, and I force myself to feel nothing because that’s better than the alternative.
But through it all, my phone keeps buzzing.
Will: Dude. Answer your phone.
It takes everything inside of me to ignore him as the texts keep coming.
Will: This is so fucked up.
Will: I can’t believe I ever let you talk me into this bullshit. I knew you were a lying asshole.
But after days of texts and calls, of Will accusingmyfeelings of being fake, I can’t take anymore.
Nolan: I’m not arguing with you over text, Will.
Will: Then answer your phone.
Will: Nolan.
Will: You seriously think I would do that to you?
Nolan: I didn’t until you did.
Will: You’re such a dick, you know that? A self-righteous, condescending DICK.
Will: Wonder what the rest of the town would think if they knew you let a thief like me fuck you
My stomach twists at the threat. I don’t know why he’s so angry, considering he’s the one who stole the pills and faked feelings for me to get to them. I have to believe our time together meant enough to him that he wouldn’t intentionally ruin my life over this.
Nolan: Do what you have to do, Will. Threatening me isn’t going to help you.
