She didn't understand how he did it, but by the time she and Reaves were in his old Land Cruiser, on their way up the long drive to the gates at the entrance of the estate, she somehow didn't feel so alone. He hadn't said much, but just the way he was with her—laughing about Zia, making sure she had everything she needed, even remembering what she'd told him about keeping a written list of her symptoms and asking if she’d remembered to bring it—everything he said and did made her feel like she wasn't in this alone anymore.
She glanced over at him as he pulled out through the gates and onto the road. He must have felt her looking, because he turned to her with a smile. "Are you all right?"
"I am. I…" She hesitated. "Thanks, Reaves."
There was so much else she wanted to say, so much that she probably should say, but for now, all she could do was hope that he would read at least some of it into those two words.
The way he reached over to take her hand and give it a squeeze told her that maybe he did.
"Do you know where the doctor's office is?" she asked, after they'd ridden in silence for a few moments.
"I do, and I even know where we can park. We should have plenty of time to spare, but if anything comes up on the way, I can always drop you outside the front door while I go and park. Then I'll come in and wait for you."
She looked over at him again. She hadn't meant to keep looking, but her eye kept going back to him the way it went to anything she'd have wanted to get down on paper—not to admire it, exactly, but because it wouldn't let her look away until she understood it. With Reaves, it was the stillness in his face. Nothing in it moved that didn't need to. She'd noticed it the very first time she saw him. She hadn't trusted it then—nothing in her life had ever held that steady—but she was starting to think she'd been wrong.
"You don't have to wait, you know. I don't know how long I'll be in there." She worried at her bottom lip. After all these long months of knowing she needed to see a doctor but not knowing how it would be possible, the appointment had grown so big in her mind that she couldn’t see anything beyond it. She felt as though she might be in there for hours.
He shot her a quick smile. "I'm going nowhere, no matter how long it takes. If you'd let me, I'd ask to come in with you."
"Oh, Reaves, I…"
"No, I know. I'm not asking you to let me. Just making clear that I'll be right there in the waiting room when you come out, okay?"
Her throat tightened as she nodded. "Thanks, Reaves." It came out as barely more than a whisper.
"How do you feel about it all?" he asked, after another few minutes had gone by in silence.
"I honestly don't know. I'm trying not to think about it."
"I can understand that."
She clasped her hands together, prepared for him to start asking questions—and if he did, she'd answer them. He had every right to ask.
"Do you want the radio on?"
"I, uh—sure, if you want it on."
He turned to meet her gaze for a brief moment before focusing his attention back on the road. "I don't care about the radio, Alara. And I don't want to screw this up. I'm guessing that you'd like to be left alone with your thoughts on the way there. I'm offering the radio in case you don't want to be left in silence."
Something loosened in her chest as she stared at him. "Silence is good, thanks," she said eventually. If she were braver, she would have added the words that echoed in her head—that the silence was fine, as long as he was in it with her.
They still had plenty of time to spare when they reached the doctor's office, so she went with him while he parked, and then they walked inside together. She gave her name to the receptionist, who slid a clipboard toward her.
"You'll need to fill in the new patient— Oh no, wait."
Alara nodded. She'd already filled out every form she could find online.
"Okay, you're all set. Take a seat, and Dr. Ambrose will be with you in a little while."
She perched on the edge of a hard plastic chair and couldn't read the expression on Reaves's face as he watched her.
"What's up?"
"Nothing. It's all good. I want to tell you to get more comfortable—we might be here for a while—but…" He shook his head. "That'd be a dumb thing to say. I know better."
All she could do was nod. She wanted to thank him for the thought, but she didn't get the chance to say anything before a light came on above the door.
The receptionist looked up. "You can go in now."
