“Theydisownedyou? My god, why would they be so cruel? How can they possibly claim to love you, then do that? All because you’re friends with someone that doesn’t fall in line with the family business plan?”
That he willingly gave it all up to defend me made me feel all warm inside, like he always made me feel.
“How will you survive?”
His nerves about the situation showed in subtle ways. A bouncing knee. The clearing of his throat. How his hands felt a touch clammy when they grasped mine.
“Unlike you, I never had a job while going to school. My parents wanted me doing activities that would look good on my college resume and keep up my grades during the school year. Summers I played at working for Dad’s company, but my responsibilities had been few, and I worked few hours. Even I knew it was a token job, just another resume builder. But I have some money from my grandfather. It’s mine outright. They can’t touch it.”
“But Stanford was your dream.”
“Was it really? Dad went there. I think I bought into the expectation. I would have been much happier closer to home. To you.”
“Wait a minute. If they kicked you out the day of the funeral, where have you been living this week?”
“Jamie and I are at a hotel. It’s fine, but we know it’s temporary.”
“Jamie’s with you?”
He nodded. “He’s an idiot to do it, but he packed up and walked out with me. Said he didn’t want to be a part of their prejudice. Dad bought his way into Stanford as a legacy because he didn’t have the grades. Made a huge donation, which isunethical as shit, but he did it anyway. Jamie never wanted to go to college. You know him. He’s always been more adventurous. More hands-on.”
My brain caught on something he said earlier. “You said you had a plan. You committed to a path. I knew I would not like it.
“Jamie and I need jobs if we’re not going back to school. He wants to join the Marines, so”—he took a huge breath—”I’m going with him.”
My breath caught in my throat, and I stared at him.
He inched closer to me on the sofa, his hands squeezing mine tighter, his face earnest with conviction. “It’s the perfect choice. We’ll have a place to live. Meals. Training. The military looks good on a resume, and the skills will be current instead of outdated when I leave, unlike college.”
“It’s dangerous.” The words squeaked out of my mouth. I didn’t know what else to say.
“It can be. But I plan to work toward a position where a base will station me. Jamie’s far more the infantry type. But that’s off track for what I need to talk to you about right now. I want you to go with us.”
What?
“Hear me out.” He inched closer again. “They’ll send us to Parris Island in South Carolina. I’ll be in boot camp and training for up to a year, and I’ll have to live in the barracks on base, but we’ll get you an apartment somewhere close to base. The recruiter already gave us some information because there are other wives and girlfriends in the same situation, so you’d have some support there. They also have resources to help you find a job, help you sign up for classes at a community college, whatever you want. Once they assign me a permanent station, we’ll get married and join the waiting list for a house on whichever base I move to.
“M-m-married?” He kept hitting me left and right with information I was not ready to process.
“It’s not a very romantic proposal, I know. I figured maybe you’d want to come down to South Carolina with me first. See if you even liked it there, or if you could handle being a Marine’s girl. But I promise to do it right if you decide to stay.”
His eyes pleaded with me to say yes.
“I don’t know, Jesse. You know I care for you, and I know you care for me, too, but… Our relationship isn’t exactly the typical boyfriend-girlfriend.”
That was an understatement. He took me on dates. While he was at school, he called me every day. He called me his girlfriend. When we hung out together, he held my hand and put his arm around me. He hugged me often, and if we watched movies together, we lay on the couch and held each other. Every time he arrived, he kissed me hello, and every time he left, he kissed me goodbye, and every kiss had been sweet, but never more. There’d been nothing beyond that, and honestly, I’d been okay with it. No pressure to be more, and no sign of disappointment that it wasn’t more.
“Maybe not, but you know I love you, right? You’re the only girl I’ve ever wanted to be close to. And even if you don’t love me right now, love can grow. We’d be good together. And think of it this way.” His eyes glowed with excitement. “You’d have security. No more worrying about if you can make the bills, or where you’ll live. I know things have sucked up to this point, but now it can be good. No more struggle.”
Was that enough? Was security a good foundation to a relationship? I didn’t know.
One thing I knew, though, was I didn’t want to lose him. Jesse was my lifeline for so long. He made me feel wanted and safe. My peers’ judgment was limited to stares and whispers amongst themselves when he was around. When he went awayto school, the students left behind in my class treated it like open season again. The only saving grace had been that the worst of the tormentors, Natasha and her crew, left for college as well. I only saw them when they came home for school breaks, and they were relatively easy to avoid.
Maybe a fresh start in a new place would help me get past my insecurities. Surely the women who dated or married the other Marines would be more welcoming. After all, we’d have something in common, unlike the disparities between me and most of my classmates here. They also wouldn’t know my past.
Hopefully, this would bring us closer too. Perhaps the fact that he’d been going to Stanford had held him back from wanting more physical interaction with me since we’d be so far apart and unable to see each other.
And if it didn’t work out? I knew somehow we’d still be friends. He’d still be there if I ever needed help, and vice versa. What did I have to lose?
