Page 93 of Rush

“You tell me to be on my best behavior—buthecan talk to me like that?”

My voice is harsh. She doesn’t deserve it.

“It’s not just the comment about Alex. It’s how you treat me—like I’m this emotional time bomb you’re always anticipating will detonate. I’m a human, Pip. I matter. My feelings fucking matter too.”

“I know,” she whispers, barely audible. “I told him not to bring it up. I’m so…” Her throat works as she swallows, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“So sorry,” she whimpers, shoulders shaking.

Fuck.

No, no, no.

The guilt hits me like ice water. I must be the worst maid of honor in history. Who makes the bride cry during her own pre-wedding celebrations?

“I didn’t mean that,” I blurt, my voice laced with shame. “Not really.”

She sinks onto the velvet ottoman, still sobbing.

“No, Elena—you’re right,” she says through tears. “I ask you to behave, but I never stand up for you. Not to Andrew, not to Dad.”

My breath catches.

“I’m so afraid to rock the boat. Sometimes I feel like I just…exist. Like a doll on a shelf.”

Tears prick behind my eyes.

“I’m afraid if I say or do the wrong thing…he’ll leave me, everyone always leaves me,” she whispers.

She’s not talking about Andrew anymore, she’s talking about Mom.

When Mom left, she left her, too. Left her to navigate Mortimer’s world alone, with Carole as a substitute and no one to anchor her.

“Sometimes, I want to scream,” she confesses.

And for the first time, I see her armor crack. She looks small. Just as broken as me.

“Then scream, Pip. Just let go.”

I grab the tissue box from the counter, pull one free, and kneel in front of her, offering it.

“I…I can’t,” she murmurs, dabbing at her nose.

“Pip,” I say gently, “anyone who leaves you for being who you really are doesn’t even deserve to breathe air.”

She lets out a brittle laugh. “Guess that’s why she died.”

I blink, thrown. That was a side of her I hadn’t seen.

“Damn. That’s cold.” Though I know she’s not serious.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I get it. I have my shit with Father…you have yours with Mom.”

She nods, eyes still glistening.

“I’m sorry Pip.”