Page 26 of Heaven on Earth

Instead, I fucked him harder. His moans were muffled in the pillow, but that wasn’t enough to keep me from gritting my teeth, breaths coming faster while my heart pounded in my chest.

“More,” he breathed. “Give me more.”

I didn’t know how I possibly could, but I gave Ciel everything I had — every last drop of strength and energy — and it proved to be enough. He came onto the bed, his whimpers enough to send me over the edge.

It was over. I had no idea how much time had passed. I barely had any idea where I was as the world spun around me, but I’d done my best, and now Ciel could judge me all he wanted. I didn’t care; I’d had fun.

As I sat there, hands pressed into the mattress and head down as I caught my breath, the reality of the moment finally caught up to me.I had fun. Maybe I was more in love withCiel than I thought. Stranger things had happened, certainly, but what would I say to my family and friends? How could I explain that I’d fallen for an angel, and a male angel at that?

Whatever happened to Ciel and me, now wasn’t the time to worry about it. Our time together now was best spent reveling in each other’s bodies and enjoying each other’s company. I was exhausted, and all the only motivation that helped me muster the strength to move was the vision of me lying next to Ciel, his fluffy wings engulfing me.

20

CIEL

Ilet my body collapse onto the bed. I was utterly spent, there was no denying that. Ryan flopped down beside me, working hard to catch his breath.

“How did I do?” he asked, propping himself up on one elbow.

“Oh, Ryan,” I said softly, rubbing my hand along his upper arm.

“What, was it bad?”

“No, quite the contrary. You’re better at this than you think.”

He smiled, his eyes sparkling, before the smile faded. “Ciel, there’s something else I need to tell you that I avoided mentioning before.”

My smile disappeared, too. Ryan worried too much about everything, it was true, yet the concern on his face this time was genuine. “Yes?”

“My parents — you know I haven’t told them about you yet.”

“You implied as much earlier.”

“Yes, well, I misled you a bit. Ididtell them that I’m seeing someone. They even know your name.”

I shook my head, wings drooping. “They don’t know that I’m a man, do they?”

Ryan winced. “No, they don’t. They don’t know you’re an angel either, but somehow I think that will be the easier surprise of the two to reveal to them.”

I took in a long, deep breath. I breathed in till my lungs ached, and then I exhaled slowly, lightheadedness threatening to overtake me. “I see.”

“And since they’re coming next week, I’m going to have to stay away from you for a little while, which means I have to ask you to stay away from me too. You understand, don’t you?”

I hesitated to answer that question. My heart throbbed, the conflict between wanting Ryan to be happy and wanting to feel like he cared about me tearing it in two.

“I have to admit,” I said cautiously, “I’m a little hurt by your request.” I let my hand slide off of his arm, and he caught it in his, squeezing it tightly so that I couldn’t easily pull it away. “You’re not going to tell them the truth about me during this visit, are you?”

Ryan shook his head, unable to look at me anymore. “I can’t, Ciel. I just can’t.” He let go of my hand and I withdrew it, wishing I could wipe away the lingering sensation of his touch.

“Then perhaps it’s best that we shall have some time apart from each other. It will allow us a chance to think things through, yes?”

He blinked back tears, getting up from the bed to gather his clothing strewn about the floor. His silhouette in the dark room was as beautiful as ever, almost making me regret my words.Almost.

“I know you want me to tell you that I love you and that I could never love anyone else,” he said, keeping his head turned away from me, “but I’m not there yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be there. This has been fun Ciel, and I thank you for that. But life isn’t all about just having fun. If it were, I wouldn’t have moved here in the first place.”

His last sentence drove a dagger straight through my heart. “Then why don’t you leave?” I asked, my voice a little sharper than I’d intended.

“I might have to.” Ryan kept an even, calm tone, though he was getting more frustrated by the minute. I could tell by the way his fingers trembled as he struggled with his shirt buttons.