Page 80 of In to Her

I wish I could save you like you saved me. I wish you would give me that chance.

We will always love you.

AJ, Yvette, Lucas, and Gabriella

EPILOGUE – LOGAN

I am a hard man to love.

I get that. I have an awful job working for an awful man. I risk prison and death pretty much every day. And when I got back after the blizzard and showed Damon the proof that AJ and Yvette were dead, he was happy with me and my place in the org.

For a while.

But then one of his cousins betrayed him and he called on me to step in since AJ was gone.

And I killed him.

That’s what I do now. Not money laundering

I have killed dozens of people over the past five and a half years since AJ and Yvette escaped to the island.

But three days ago something changed.

Damon is dead.

Not by my hand, even though I’ve gone to bed every night and woke up every morning wanting to kill him so I could leave and be free.

It was his little brother.

Oh, I helped, of course. I set it all up. But I made a deal with the little brother. He gets power, I get to leave.

So my apartment is empty. Sold it two weeks ago and I’m on my way to sign the closing papers now. And I have no job. Not that I need one, I have plenty of money. And I have no friends, because all of the people I call friends would kill me just as quick as I’d kill them. And no family, because that shit was over back in my teens.

I just have them.

Except… I’m not sure I do, actually.

There’s a part of me that still thinks I have a chance with AJ and Yvette down on Holbox Island. But it’s a very small part of me.

I know they’ve moved on. I’ve had someone watching them this whole time. Making sure no one got suspicious. Making sure Damon didn’t go looking. Making sure they were safe.

So I know they have children and one of them could be mine.

I know they are happy and complete too.

I know they don’t need me.

Showing up now, after all these years, would just rip their world apart. But still, I have a small glimmer of hope that it could still happen. Even after five and a half years, it could happen.

The airline app on my phone has two flights. One to New Zealand where I will start over fresh. And one to Mexico where I will interrupt their lives.

Which choice is the right one?

I don’t know.

The problem is… I’m not the same man they used to know. The problem is they’re not the same either.

But the real issue has to do with how this whole thing started.

One day.

Just one day.

That’s all we ever had together.

And there’s no possible way this is real. There is no possible way to fall in love in one day. It just can’t happen.

Except it did.

Maybe I’m just imagining it because my life has been a nightmare since I left them? Or maybe I’m just crazy? Fucking delusional and I’m living this fantasy life in my head because I needed something to hold on to.

Or maybe I’m just afraid.

They only had one day too, the logical part of my brain says. They got to that island with the exact same history as I have now. They started from nothing and they made it work.

They’re happy, they’re in love, they’ve started a family.

All of that without me there to complicate things.

You will fuck it all up, Logan. Because you fuck everything up.

That’s my real fear, I guess.

Not that it wasn’t real, but that it was, and my part in it is over. Has been over since they got to the island.

I leave the apartment and take a car to the closing office. It takes me exactly ten minutes to sign the papers and then I’m on my way to the airport with a single carry-on bag of possessions.

When I get there I stare at the departures board. Weighing my options.

New Zealand? Or Mexico?

New Zealand feels safe. It feels far, far away. It feels like I could become someone new. Start over for real. No one would know me any other way.

Mexico feels like the past. Mexico feels like I would have to accept who I am. Embrace it. Live with it.

Mexico makes me afraid.

Will they reject me? Do they hate me? Do they secretly fear that one day I will show up and ruin everything?

Do they wake up each morning praying I stay away and go to sleep at night thanking God for answering their prayers?

My heart hurts just thinking about that.

It aches in such an overwhelming way I tab the little button on my phone app and complete the check-in.

And that’s it.

My decision has been made.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com