He sighed. Of course, she would want him to say everything aloud. “For pushing ye away.”
“Pfft. Ye are no’ the first man to do that to me. I am for certs ye willnae be the last.”
That last statement made him angry. She was acting as if there would be someone else after him. As if she would return to Hartsmoor and find someone else to capture her heart.
Over his dead body.
He blew out an exasperated breath. “If I am being honest, truly honest, I must admit that I am scared.” There. He’d said it. He refused to look at her face. He didn’t want to see the way she would look at him once she learned he was less than a man. Men don’t get scared. Not men like him. He was a warrior. Made for battle. “I feel like a coward for no’ admitting to my true feelings. This,” he pointed his index finger between the two of them. “Whate’er this is that we have happening betwixt us, ’tis something that we have been told our whole lives that it cannae be.” He wet his dry lips afore continuing.
“I am conflicted betwixt following my heart and completing my duty to the clan. Duty that has been hammered into my head since the day I was born.”
“I can understand that,” she said quietly.
Her statement surprised him.
“But just because ye understand it, doesnae make it right. When we kissed,” he turned to her, taking hold of her tiny hand in his. “I felt those kisses with the whole of my being. A feeling I have ne’er experienced afore. It scared me.”
“Did ye like our kisses?” Her voice was quiet, small, and filled with uncertainty. He hated that he was the one that was the cause of her pain. He hated that in his decision to protect her by pushing her away, he had instead pushed her into danger.
“Och, aye, Lass. I liked them verra much. Mayhap, too much. It caused all these new emotions that I have ne’er had to deal with afore. I could hear my da’s voice in my head, continuously saying ‘she’s a Hart. She’s a Hart.’ And that goes against all that I have been taught.”
“But we have uncovered documents that show that we shouldnae be enemies. That at one time we were joined and that we can be joined again. Dinnae ye want that?”
“I do. But there are so many barriers we need to break through.”
“Tell me one.”
Errol studied Moira’s face. Her big, blue eyes that reminded him ofthe sea in the middle of summer, wild and bright. Her pale skin that she protected from the sun. Her thick, dark blonde hair that she’d plaited and hung over her shoulder. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. It pained him to think that if they couldn’t overcome the obstacles that stood in their way that he would need to let her go.
And that revelation scared him more than aught else.
Chapter Eighteen
Moira watched asa myriad of emotions flickered across Errol’s handsome face as she waited for him to answer her question.
Aye, they had barriers to overcome. But she felt if they talked about them, they could come up with a resolution that would satisfy them both.
Satisfy both of their clans.
Because the other option was them returning to their lives as they were afore, and she wasn’t willing to do that. She didn’t think it was possible. Not after the time they’d spent together. Her insides felt hollow at the thought of not spending the rest of her days with Errol. Family differences be damned. Why couldn’t they show the items they’d found to their families and explain how everything they had kenned had been built upon a lie? They needed to bring the clan that was at the root of all of this death and fighting to justice. They should pay for all they’ve done throughout the years.
“The death of Gavin, my brother,” Errol finally said, his voice barely above a whisper as he squeezed his eyes shut.
The breeze picked up and loosened wisps of her hair from her plait, tickling her nose. She tucked the loose strands behind her ear. “We have talked about it a little. Tell me about what happened.” He had told her some of the facts surrounding his brother’s death, but not everything. It was important that she learned of all that happened thatfateful day.
Patiently, she waited, understanding that it wasn’t an easy topic for him to speak about.
“As I said previously, he was traveling with a few MacLeod warriors, visiting the kirkyard that we searched for clues. Unlike us, my brother and his men were there to pay respect to those that perished long ago. It was something that we always did when in that area.” He paused, his eyes staring off into the distance, and Moira kenned he was thinking about that day. “It had to have been an ambush. Men lying in wait kenning they would be passing through. My brother was an excellent tracker. He was younger than I, but he kenned this land well. He had a keen sense of the sounds around him. ’Tis why I think the attackers were already here. Gavin no doubt would have heard them if they followed them on their journey. And he wouldnae have let men trail them unchallenged. As Gavin and his men kneeled in front of the graves of our ancestors, praying for their souls, they were attacked. Struck down.” He blew out a steadying breath, flattening his palms on his trews.
“When they hadnae returned when they should have, we gave them a bit of time, but soon, we kenned something was amiss. Gavin ne’er missed a return time. I rode out with some of my own warriors and found the slain men.”
Pain pierced Moira’s heart. She couldn’t fathom the pain of such a loss. The abject horror he must have felt at finding his brother in such a way. “I am verra sorry, Errol. I cannae imagine what that must have been like for ye.”
“’Twas the Harts that had done it. They killed the whole party.”
Moira frowned, shaking her head. “That doesnae make any sense. My da would ne’er order such a senseless attack. I would have heard something. No’ only that, it happened on MacLeod lands. Deep into MacLeod lands, no less. We stay off yer lands. ’Tis our way to keep the peace as best we can.”
“No’ that day.”
