Ari leans back against the door, crossing his arms again. For a second, we just stare at each other. He looks annoyingly calm, and I am anything but. “Well?” I snap. “Talk, then.”
He raises an eyebrow. “You’ve been avoiding me,” he says simply.
“No, I haven’t.”
His mouth kicks up. “You’re a terrible liar, detka.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“With what?” he asks, smirking again.
“Work.”
“Ah.” He steps away from the door, slowly, like I’m a skittish animal he doesn’t want to spook. “Hiding in the comms room then.”
I feel my jaw clench. “You’ve been spying on me?”
“Obviously,” he says it like it’s the most boring fact in the world.
“Great. Glad we’re honest now,” I mutter, huffing a humourless laugh.
“I’ve been honest the whole time,” he says. “You’re the one who’s pretending nothing happened.”
My hands curl into fists against the desk. “What do you want me to do?” I demand. “High-five you in the mess? Shake your hand and say, ‘good blowjob, Sergeant, very professional technique’?”
“Don’t talk about it like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like it was nothing,” he snaps. “You think I would put my mouth on just anyone in a cleaning cupboard on a military base?”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I bite out. The anger in my tone surprises even me.
“Careful,” he says softly. “You’re not the only one who knows how to hit below the belt.”
“Then hit,” I say, throwing my hands out. “Go on. Get it over with. Tell me I’m pathetic, or stupid, or weak, or whatever else you’ve been thinking while you stare at me across the yard like I’m some joke you like to play with.”
“You really think that’s what this is?” he asks. “A joke?”
“What else would it be?” My voice cracks on the last word. “You acted like it didn’t even matter afterwards. You gave me what... two sentences and then fucked off.” There’s the thing I didn’t plan on saying. I hear it as it comes out and want to claw the words back.
His expression shifts subtly. I see a flicker of shock, then something almost like hurt, masked so fast I’d have missed it if I didn’t know his face more than is remotely healthy. “I walked away,” he says slowly, “because if I stayed, I would have fucked you against a mop bucket and we’d both be dead by now.”
The air leaves my lungs as he closes the distance between us in three steps, stopping just on the edge of my space. I can feel his body heat radiating from him. I can smell the faint smell of cigarette smoke and the aftershave that I can now pick out of a crowd blindfolded with sickening ease.
He looks down at me. “You think I don’t care?” he says quietly. “You think this is just... boredom?” He spits the word out like it tastes bad.
“What else am I supposed to think?” I shoot back because if I don’t defend myself with anger, I’ll fall apart. “You act like it’s all some game. You poke and prod, get me riled, then walk off and leave me climbing the walls. You’re fine. I’m the one who—” I cut myself off.
“You’re not the only one climbing the walls, detka,” he murmurs, leaning in. “I just hide it better.” The way he says it, it’s so matter-of-fact, like he’s telling me what the weather is like outside.
“Well, you’re going to get your wish,” I say. “You wanted me to be honest? Fine.” I hear my own pulse battering in my ears. “What we did in that cupboard... I can’t just pretend it didn’t happen. I can’t look at you and see ‘Sergeant Zakirov’ and nothing else. Not after... that.” His gaze drops to my mouth. “And if you’re just going to chase me around and treat it like sport then it stops. Now. I can’t... I’m not going to be some... some thing you wind up when you’re bored.”
There’s a moment of absolute silence. Then he laughs. “You think I’m chasing you?” he says. “That I’m the one being clingy?”
“You have been chasing me,” I fire back. “Since the first week. Training yard, showers—”
“And you don’t like it?” he cuts in. “You haven’t been pushing back and then pulling me closer every time I get within reach?”
