“They don’t count. No, of course not. That would be extraneous. Right?” Jensen snapped his mouth shut as the waiter arrived at their table with their lunches.
As soon as the waiter stepped away from the table, Jensen picked up his fork and shoved food into his face. If he ate fast enough, he might still be able to call Daniel before returning to work. And yes, if his mouth was full, he couldn’t answer any more of Wyatt’s questions. He didn’t want to talk about his relationship, not when he had a project plan on how he was going to get Daniel to be a permanent fixture in his life.
Jensen hadn’t been this excited about the future since college. He was buzzing, practically vibrating out of his seat, and in that moment, he believed with absolute certainty that he was going to do everything right and Daniel would fall head over heels for him. Jensen would be everything he needed, do everything he needed.
And he wouldn’t have a single problem with Daniel’s job duties.
12
Daniel would rather bein the deepest pits of hell than staring at the door to room 106 at the Lillian. His heart and stomach felt like they were being trampled on hell’s floor, if he was being honest. The stiff door handle was menacingly close even as his vision shifted and tunneled.
He didn’t want to do this.
More than that, he wasn’t sure he could do this. Daniel had never had such a strong reaction before, had never had these thoughts running through his head. Especially not for his regular, Gary.
He was a nice enough man, never asked for anything Daniel wasn’t willing to give. He was a good tipper, didn’t go over time, and made sure Daniel was ready and comfortable before plowing him into every surface of the hotel room. He didn’t even force him out the moment the sex was over. Normally, they’d sit and talk for another hour or so.
Daniel had become invested in Gary’s life over the past two years, caring about his daughter’s soccer team and his knucklehead son that was no longer allowed to drive Gary’s expensive car. More so, he cared about Gary and how the mandidn’t feel like he could come out without burning down his own life.
Daniel, in his infinite dumbass illusions, once thought he was being a Good Samaritan. He’d thought that by providing a willing hole for Gary to fuck, he was giving the man a safe place to truly be himself.
Daniel’s heart no longer felt safe. Backing up, he pulled his phone from his pocket and unlocked the dark screen. His text conversation with Jensen was still pulled up, just like it was most of the time now. It was pointless to navigate out of the messages when it was basically the only thing he used his phone for these days.
The last message, which Daniel hadn’t responded to, came just minutes after their phone call ended.
I’ll be up waiting if you want to call me after.
Jensen’s easy acceptance of Daniel’s job infuriated him. He wanted Jensen to be pissed at him for continuing to have sex with other people. He wanted Jensen to scream at him, to threaten to block his number. He wanted Jensen to call him names, tell him he was worse than nothing for going back to his actual job. He wanted … He wanted Jensen to be there holding him, offering him soft words through lips pressed against his hair, and promising Daniel that everything would be okay.
It was Tyler’s first night back, the man finally to full health after a series of complications, and with horribly perfect timing, it was also Gary’s standing monthly appointment. Daniel had been doing his level best to pretend he didn’t see the note in his calendar. He’d been ignoring Tyler’s updates, dutifully given by Lucinda, who’d apologized more than once for keeping Daniel behind the bar.
Daniel had also been ignoring his bank account and had gone back to using his credit card so he had enough cash to cover his bills.
But he couldn’t ignore his reality any longer. Not when his eyes were darting between the sweet and understanding messages Jensen had been sending him all day and the door separating him and Gary.
This was fucked up. His whole life was fucked up, and it was his own damn fault. He had chosen to start working at the Lillian all those years ago, and then every day since he’d chosen to continue working there. He hadn’t had to take out a stupid amount of student loans, then not finish college. No one had forced him to rack up credit card debt. And he certainly hadn’t had to open his heart and start falling for a man that was too nice and honest for his own good.
But there was nothing Daniel could do about any of that in the moment. He had a job to do, and even though it might kill him a little bit inside, he had to see it through. No one was going to save him from his own mistakes, and he didn’t need them to. Daniel would get through this, just like he got through everything else.
It was fine. He was fine.
With shaking hands, he put his phone back in his pocket and reached for the door.
“Jensen,” Daniel said, his voice barely a strangled whisper.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” Jensen’s steady and gentle command had Daniel’s heart thumping even more painfully than before.
Daniel shook his head, his hair smacking wetly on his skin. He’d made it as far as getting undressed on the bed with Gary before every cell in his body revolted. With hysterical excuses, Daniel had hastily put his clothes back on, then ran from thehotel, head down and skin crawling. He should have checked in with his boss and told her he was going home, but he hadn’t.
Instead, he’d driven back to his shared house with numb hands and empty pockets and taken a scorching shower. If anyone else was in the house, they’d probably be outraged at him using all the hot water, but Daniel didn’t have it in him to care. His sanity hinged on him scrubbing the feeling from his skin until he was red and just as raw on the outside as he was on the inside.
“It’s okay, Daniel.” Jensen’s soft words pierced the little cocoon of blankets Daniel had made between his bed and nightstand.
“It’s not okay,” he said, bile coming up his throat and instilling venom in his words. “I almost let another man fuck me, Jensen. How are you okay with that?”
“I just am. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m okay with your job. I understand it’s how you make money, and I’m not mad at you.”
A lump took residence in Daniel’s stomach as new, nastier worries sprang up in his mind. Jensen truly didn’t care about his job; that much was evident. The man didn’t lie. He was forthcoming in his opinions about things, even when it was less than polite. Which begged the question, Why wasn’t Jensen upset? Was it because he didn’t care about Daniel? Was this all some sort of kink he was exploring?
