None of that would be solved by standing in the middle of a parking lot, the sun heating his skin and time ticking by, though. He pulled out his phone and opened his banking app. First things first, he needed to see how much money he had and if he could afford a rideshare and still send Casey rent.
The balance displayed after entering his credentials had his knees going weak and him rushing to the side of his car to hold himself up.
Less than three hundred dollars.Less than three hundred dollars.
Daniel let his knees give out, the rust-eaten car scraping against his back as he slid down and sat his ass heavily on the grimy asphalt.
He didn’t have enough for rent and utilities. He might not even have enough for a tow truck. He certainly didn’t have enough for whatever stupid expensive repairs his car needed. Because it would be expensive. Daniel’s luck wouldn’t allow for an easy and cheap fix.
Every shitty thing that had happened to him in the past decade rolled over him, making it hard to breathe. From his parents not giving a shit about him, asking him to leave once he turned eighteen so they could have the peace and oppressive quiet they’d tried maintaining in their house, to this current hellcame to him in waves. Waves that were unforgiving and pushed him up against his car like it was jagged rocks in the sea, keeping his head underwater and body aching.
Every mistake he made pressed down on his chest. The mistake of choosing an expensive university as a middle finger to his parents and his peers that decided to stick close to home so they wouldn’t be far from their mommies and daddies. The even worse mistake of pretending he could afford the drinks and parties and trips and experiences all the rich kids with their parents’ credit cards went on. Of trying to fit in with them in the first place and not sticking to who he was. What he was.
A worthless idiot who had nothing going for him and no one to save him from himself.
He thunked his head back against his car and swallowed down the thickness in his throat. Well. What was one more mistake? What was one more charge on his credit card? It wasn’t like he was going to be able to make the minimum payment that month anyway. In for a penny, in for a pound.
Closing out of his bank app, he ordered a rideshare, not even looking at how much it was going to cost at rush hour on a Monday evening.
He was already drowning, and the credit card company could wring it out of his waterlogged body once he finally stopped breathing.
Brody’s and Casey’s voices spilled down the hallway as he quietly closed the front door. It sounded like they were bickering, but that was just how they conversed. On the rare occasion they were truly mad at each other, they would cease talking altogether until their anger died off.
Daniel hoped they were too engrossed in their conversation to notice him as he sneaked his way across the house and into his room. It was maybe the first time he wished he lived on the second floor of the house so he could dart up the stairs and into safety.
Of course, they spotted him the moment he stepped into the living room. They both stopped talking as they looked him over with confusion.
“I thought you had to work tonight,” Casey said.
Brody stood from the couch, a crease between his eyebrows. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, I just …” Daniel trailed off as his gaze bounced around the room, trying to come up with some excuse as to why he stood in their living room, sweat drying on his skin, and not at work.
Before he could think of a halfway coherent response, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and answered thoughtlessly when he saw Jensen’s name.
“Hey, I know you’re probably just about to start work, but I missed you. I know we were just talking, but yeah, I just wanted to say I missed you, and?—”
“I’m not at work,” Daniel said, cutting off Jensen’s words while looking at his roommates who were standing together staring at him. “I’m not at work, and my car broke down, and I left it in a fucking parking lot downtown, and I don’t think I even locked the doors. Not that it can be driven anywhere. And I can’t afford to tow it or pay for the repairs. I don’t have the money for rent or utilities or my credit card payment. And I just added God knows how much more onto it by getting a ride home so I didn’t have to walk because I already have swamp ass. And I think I’m going to start crying now. But it’s okay,” he said loudly, forcing it to be true. “It’ll all be okay, right?”
His roommates had reached him at this point in his meltdown. They enveloped him in a hug, which was when herealized his entire body was shaking like a small dog facing down a doorbell.
“What can I do? What do you need?”
Daniel couldn’t lie to himself. Not anymore. Not after failing over and over again and continuing to find himself in the same shitty situations. He had to stop ignoring his problems and expecting things would get better if he just kept trying to solve them on his own. He was driving himself mad. And it obviously wasn’t working.
He was no closer to paying off his debts or having a job he enjoyed or having a direction in life he was working toward. Maybe it was time to hang up his ego and ask the people around him for help. It couldn’t end up worse than where he was at currently.
Worst-case scenario was they’d throw him away just like his college friends had. But with Jensen’s concerned voice in his ear and the warm arms enveloping him, Daniel doubted that would happen a second time. Maybe the people in his life would surprise him—hopefully in a good way.
Daniel could keep bashing his head against the same walls that kept him from getting the things he truly wanted in life. Or he could ask for help. He could call in favors. He could have someone else share his burden and unravel the tangled mess of his life.
He took in a gasping and ragged breath. “I need you,” he whispered through his clogged throat.
Someone’s arms squeezed him tighter, pinning his arm to his side, while a large hand rubbed his back.
“I’m coming.” Jensen paused for a moment. “I’ll be right there, baby. Give me a few hours and I’ll be there.”
21
