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“No, thank you.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
A week and a half of secret lab work, tests and evaluations, and I was done with my part. I was done with all I could do and the waiting for the results was daunting. I was told that even if I was a match, the executive panel still made the final decision and sometimes they didn’t approve, which infuriated me to no end.
Every day and every night I spent with Cricket. The nurses let me shower in her room and took care of me as if I was another patient, which I appreciated more than they could know. I bought them lunch one afternoon and you would have thought I’d given them a million dollars. They were so grateful, which shamed me knowing I could have done just that.
But I didn’t know what Cricket was going to need later, and I wanted to save every penny just in case.
I’d discovered that when the most precious thing in your life could slip through your fingers, investments, money, those things suddenly meant absolutely jack. All I could focus on was keeping her alive and with me, damn the cost or the consequences.
I was asleep in my chair on the morning of the eleventh day when I was woken by shrill beeping and loud voices. I bounded up and took in my surroundings.
“She’s flatlining,” I heard a nurse’s voice echo through the room as she flipped on the light.
I fell into the wall behind me as six more people entered the room, including Dr. Caldwell. I watched them all work, calling out orders and performing chest compressions.
My hands clasped on my chest and I begged God to help her, begged Him to give us just a little bit more time. I knew it was selfish, but I hadn’t gotten to live with her at my side yet. A day of normal life with her felt too little, too brief. Tears cascaded down my face as their movements turned exaggerated, slow.
I hadn’t gotten to show her His world yet. I hadn’t gotten to give her the moon or the stars or a ring. I hadn’t gotten to marry her, have a honeymoon or children with her. I hadn’t gotten to experience life yet and I couldn’t see a life without her. I didn’t want to know a life without her.
I knew I was young, we were young, but it didn’t matter to me. When you know, you know. I knew Caroline Hunt was supposed to grow old with me. I foresaw nothing but misery without her.
Life on Earth is fleeting. It’s a gift, but when God wants you, He will take you. It’s not meant to be a punishment...Cricket’s words hung in the air above me like a tangible weight.
I nodded, ready for whatever God wanted. “I won’t question you,” I told Him. “I accept it, always.”
And then a beep rang through the room, indicating her heart was beating. She was alive, barely, but she was alive. I thanked God and sat against the wall, waiting as they stabilized her, intubated her and hooked her to a ventilator.
When most everyone was out of the room, except for her personal nurse and Dr. Caldwell, I finally spoke.
“What happened?”
“Her body is starting to shut down, Spencer.”
I nodded.
“Can you still operate? If I’m a match, can you still operate on her in this condition?”
“It’s riskier but yes, it’s her best bet at life.”
Again, I nodded. Words were escaping me.
“When do I find out if I’m a match?”
“The panel meets this afternoon. We should have an answer then.”
“Good,” I said, tired beyond belief.
The nurse and Dr. Caldwell left me with her, and I finally used that time to break down. I buried my face in her limp palm, kissed the top of her hand and memorized every pore. I spoke into her ear, not sure if she could hear me, but I did it anyway.
“I love you, Caroline Hunt.”
I sat back down and breathed deeply, resting my head by her leg and keeping my hands on her skin. I just wanted to be near her. I just wanted to save her, and I couldn’t do that by myself.
No amount of money could save her entirely. Nothing I really had worth giving could save her, except my kidney and a faith that God would save her if it was His will.
Ellie came into the room crying and I stood and hugged her fiercely. Emmett, Jonah and Bridge as well as a few of the other hands like Pete and Drew sat with us. We had too many in the room, but the staff there didn’t have the heart to kick us out.
