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I thought back to all the times I’d slept with a girl and not thought twice about it and my gut ached. If a girl doesn’t safeguard herself, who will? I’d always had the mentality that men will change when women change, but I never thought about how safeguarding the girls around me was just as much my responsibility as it was theirs.
I looked over at Cricket. I studied the girl before me. She was beautiful beyond belief, but she wasn’t some object to conquer, she was someone to be cherished, someone to be loved, someone to be revered. I wondered if Ethan did all that for her. I wondered if she gave all that in return to him, and that made my blood burn in my veins. That initial attraction between us was apparent, no doubt, but I wondered if I should give up on trying. I wondered if my infatuation for her even had a future, especially because she was with Ethan.
My mama would always say, “Whether they’re aware of it or not, if their heart beats your name, answer the call.” Stupidly, I always thought that meant any girl was pretty much open game, but I understood in that moment that it meant that nothing was ever final.
Did I want to rock the boat, though? Her whole family loved Ethan, and everyone was being so generous by letting us hide out there. What are you doing? I asked myself. This whole thing is about Bridge. Get out. Make your future. Stop obsessing over this girl. Focus.
“I know an outfitter just down the road. Close enough to walk,” Cricket said. “We can get you some decent working clothes if you’re up to it.”
“That’s fine,” I said, feeling deflated.
I followed Cricket out, knowing that although I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anyone else, she was far too out of reach. I had goals.
I constructed a hundred-foot steel wall between us and sealed all the bolts, leaving only Bridge and myself on my side. Who cared if I could still hear Cricket’s heart beating my name loudly as a drum on the other side?
Chapter Seventeen
At the outfitter, Cricket helped me find a couple pairs of decent jeans. I refused the Wranglers because I looked ridiculous. She also found a few shirts, long johns (I’m not shitting you), a wool-lined suede jacket, which seemed pretty standard among the other hands, and two pairs of sturdy work boots. I’d noticed most of the ranch hands would wear a bandana-like scarf instead of anything long. I assumed this was for practical reasons and told Cricket I’d like the same as well.
She came up with a couple of cowboy hats, but I couldn’t bring myself to wear one. I looked comical in them. I tried one on and did a little jig, trying to lighten the moment. Cricket laughed and my gut twisted. I took it off immediately, desperate to get her lovely voice out of my head.
I settled for a fleece-lined visor beanie instead. She said those were pretty common around the ranch, so I wouldn’t stand out or anything, to which I was grateful. I didn’t want to stand out anymore than I already was.
“What about chaps?” I asked.
She looked at me, waiting for a cheeky remark, but I held a stoic expression. She cleared her throat. “We’ve got a million pairs back at home. Ellie makes them herself.”
“No shit! She’s pretty talented.”
“At everything she does.”
I nodded.
“I’ll pay for these then,” I said, dragging the rest of the stuff toward the front.
While I paid, in cash of course, I heard Cricket’s phone ring.
“Hello?” Her breathing picked up, making my heart race. “Okay. Okay. Sure.” She brought the phone to me. “It’s August.”
“August?” I asked, nervous. “What’s up, dude?”
“Dude, your dad is crazy,” he began.
“Shit. What happened?” My lungs deflated.
“I get home, right? I walk into the room and this guy with weird old-fashioned spectacles is sitting at my desk like he fucking owns the place.”
“My dad?”
“No, dumbass, this big scary-looking fucker with fucking black leather gloves on and shit. Like he’s getting ready to blow my ass away or some shit. Man, it was intimidating.”
If I hadn’t seen him ace his last engineering exam with my own two eyes, I’d never believe August had two brain cells to rub together.
“Well, did you say something? Am I going to have to haul ass out of here with Bridge?”
“No, no, dude. You won’t believe it! I told him he could go fuck himself. Told him I had no idea where you were!”
I breathed a sigh relief.
