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But they’re quiet when they come in and see me working. Unable to meet my gaze, unwilling to start a conversation. Kyle has been my best friend my whole life. It’s always been us against them.
Not these guys. They’re all friends too. But Kyle was the only one I really hung out with. The only one who mattered. And seeing Kali after all these years of her being distant has brought back all the old times when we were a trio.
My heart just hurts thinking about when we were kids.
I knew we shouldn’t have had sex after the funeral. I knew Kyle would not approve and I feel like such a goddamned disappointment to him right now.
“Hey, Aiden?”
I look up from my tool cart and see Clyde, my paint guy, standing next to me. Then realize I’ve been staring down at my tools for so long, I don’t even know how long he’s been standing there.
“Yeah,” I say, my voice raw and rough. I clear it then say, “What’s up, Clyde?”
“I just want you to know…” He stops. And I realize his eyes are watering.
“Don’t, dude,” I whisper. “I can’t right now.”
He puts up a hand and nods his head. “Sure,” he says. “I know. But we’re here for you, OK? And if you need more time, just… take it. OK? We’ll handle things.”
I look over my shoulder and see all the other guys looking back at me. Jessie is holding a socket wrench in his hand, twirling the end over and over again so it makes that ratcheting sound. Len is pouring a cup of coffee and it spills over the side of his cup because he’s not paying attention. And Gary is sitting in a chair by my office, elbows on knees, head in hands, looking up at me through his too-long hair.
Clyde grips my shoulder and says, “Go sleep, Aiden. You look like you need it.” I nod my head, barely understanding as Clyde takes a wrench out of my hand and places it neatly in the spot where it belongs on my cart. “We got this.”
I nod, then notice my phone peeking out from under a rag on my cart. I turned it off on Saturday morning and haven’t thought about it since.
Kali’s face comes to mind. The argument we had. And then I feel guilty for not calling her back.
I pick it up, slip it into my back pocket, and turn to Clyde. “I think I’ll take you guys up on that offer.” And then I walk down the hallway to my apartment on autopilot.
Upstairs feels lonely even though I’ve been living here by myself for more than ten years. Everyone comes up here to eat lunch. Kyle and I would spend hours up here when the work was slow. Just kickin’ it, watching sports, or movies. Talking about Jeeps and the crawler competitions coming up.
Thinking about that makes me remember that we’ve got four or five of them scheduled over the next several months. We usually do them together but this one he was at last week was some private club thing he just got involved in. I stayed behind to work because he said he wasn’t gonna do anything but hang out. He said he just needed a day off in the rocks.
Why didn’t I fucking go with him?
I slump down on the couch and remember my phone again. Pull it out, power it on, and find twenty-six notifications. Texts and missed calls from pretty much everyone I know. Including all the guys downstairs.
But Kali’s are the ones I look at first. Lots of voicemails. “Call me,” she says. Then that last text on Saturday night. I’m going to cut off your balls and serve them for dinner if you don’t answer my calls.
I laugh. “Jesus, Kali. What the fuck?” But I find her contact in my phone and call.
“You,” she says, answering my call without a hello. “I’m mad at you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“You hung up and ghosted on me.”
“I’m sorry,” I say again.
“I don’t want you to be sorry,” she says. And I can hear the strain in her voice. The sadness. “I just want you to pick up your fucking phone when I call, is that too much to ask?”
“I’m—”
“Stop it,” she says. “I’m the one who’s sorry, OK?”
I make a face. “Why are you sorry?”
She huffs. “For being a bitch, OK? I was a bitch. It’s just…” She sighs. “I’ve had this crush on you since I was eight and I didn’t sleep with you on Friday because I was drunk, all right? I did it because I wanted to.”
I smile. And it feels so good, and so foreign, I think I forgot what smiling was. That’s dumb because one week ago Kyle and I were fucking with Gary because he needs a haircut and our insults were so spectacular I thought I was gonna piss my pants laughing.
