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God, I love her.
“You look pretty today,” I say, walking into the living room, suddenly unsure what to say or do.
She looks down at her outfit, then up at me. “Thanks. You look nice too. How was your week?”
“My week?” I sorta laugh. “My week was spent dismantling Kyle’s Jeep.”
She nods, pressing her lips together. “I thought that was his Jeep up on your lift. But I wasn’t sure. It’s nothing but a frame.”
“Yeah,” I say, running my fingers through my hair again.
“What are you doing to it?”
“Killing it,” I say.
“Oh.” Then she makes a noise that could be a laugh or maybe just a huff of frustration.
“You wanna go to the sandwich shop?” I ask her, trying to change the subject. “For lunch?”
“Oh, God. The sandwich shop. I don’t even remember the last time I ate there. I can’t believe that place is still in business.”
“It’s not,” I say. “Well, it is. But it’s changed hands a few times over the years and for whatever reason, every time it gets sold the new owners never change it. Same menu, same tables and chairs, same bad country music.”
She laughs. “Sounds perfect.”
And it kinda is. Because it’s right next door to my father’s law office.
I grab my wallet off the small dining table, shove it in my back pocket, then pick up my keys and walk over to the door, holding it open for her. “After you,” I say.
Kali smiles at me and walks through.
Downstairs all the guys stop working to look at us. Clyde says, “Later, Kali.”
“Bye, Clyde.”
He’s the only one who really knows her. Been working with us since the very beginning. The other guys came along during her self-imposed hiatus from the Aiden, Kyle, and Kali show. So they just watch us leave.
“Wanna walk?” I ask her, once we’re outside. “Or drive?”
“Walk,” she says. Then she takes my hand.
I look down at it for a moment and she lets go. But I grab it again and say, “No. I like that.”
We look at each other for a few moments, but I look away first. The town is small, but it’s lunchtime. So there’s people around. The beeping of a truck as it backs up to the building next door. A couple of old guys shouting to each other across the main street about mis-delivered mail, and another old guy riding his horse up to the pizza and beer place.
I don’t know that guy’s name, but every day, without fail, he shows up in town on his horse, ties it to a tree, and then goes inside.
“What the hell?” Kali laughs, looking at the guy and the horse.
“Don’t ask. I have no clue. Personally, I think he’s some old drunk who lost his license and that’s his only option for getting to and from the bar.”
“Does Mrs. Frett still walk her ponies around town?”
“Every fucking morning I find pony shit on the sidewalk. So, yeah. She does.”
“This town.” Kali chuckles. “I’d forgotten how weird it was.”
“See what you’ve been missing out on?” I say, giving her hand a squeeze. “That city of yours has nothing on us.”
“True,” she says. “Do you get out my way much, Aiden?”
I glance at her, find her looking at me, then shake my head. “No reason, I guess.”
She presses her lips together and nods. “Yeah. Kyle didn’t either. I wish I hadn’t wasted all these years with him.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I say nothing. I’m not good at this kind of shit. I don’t know how to say the right thing to make people feel better or comfort them. I guess that’s why we ended up having sex last week.
I want to be better than that. I want to tell Kali all the things I feel about her. Especially all the things I feel about last weekend. I just don’t know how. I can’t quite come up with the right words, or sentiment, or expression to let her know she’s important. That we are important and that… yeah, Kyle is gone but we’re still here.
And even if I did know how to spit all that out… what does it mean, anyway?
Does it mean we should get together for real?
I don’t know.
So I say nothing.
CHAPTER TWLEVE – KALI
I don’t know why I reached for his hand. I just did. And the second it happened, and the one that came next when he just kinda looked at it, I regretted it.
But then that instinctive action turned into something nice. So no regrets about that. But… I do have regrets about everything else. Not that I’d like to take back having sex with him last weekend because I don’t. I just wish we could find a way past this uncertainty and move forward.
And then I don’t know what moving forward looks like… so I give up trying to figure things out.
