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I stare at him for a few moments and watch him walk out.
Who the fuck does he think he is? Just who?
My best friend had one rule. A rule he very clearly spelled out in his last message.
Didn’t he?
I go find a charger, plug in my phone, and listen to it again. Then again, trying not to read into things. Then again, this time being as detached as I can.
“Oh, hey, I forgot,” Kyle’s voice says. “One more thing. You were my friend first, remember that? You were my friend first.”
Clyde’s right. He didn’t say, Stay away from my sister. I added that in because that’s what comes next. That’s what always came next.
I have so many questions. So many things to say to this asshole, ya know? Was that a joke? Was it a joke the whole time? Did I just spend twenty-six years reading between lines and looking for things that never existed? Making it all about me?
I play the message one more time, and this time I wait for the beep and start talking.
“Uh… hey, man,” I say into the phone. “So… fuck. I miss you.” I have to stop there for a few seconds because my throat is all tight and it’s suddenly hard to swallow. But I have to get this off my chest. I have to. Clyde is right. I can’t live like this. I don’t know what comes next, I just know something has to come next. “I have to tell you something, OK? And you’re not gonna like it. But I need you to know that…”
I stop again. I have every intention of telling him what Kali and I have been up to. Every intention of confessing all my transgressions.
But instead I say, “… I love your sister. I love Kali, Kyle. I’ve always loved her. And I’m sorry if that bugs you and if you want to hate me for that, it’s all good. It’s cool. Your prerogative. But I’m gonna hang up now. And I’m not gonna call you back, ever again. I’m just gonna let you go.” I pull the phone away from my face and I’m just about to tap end when I sigh and realize I can’t do it. I just can’t walk away like this.
So I take a seat on the couch, put the phone back up to my face… and keep talking.
I talk forever. Going fast at first because I have a bad feeling about this message. Like any second it’s gonna beep and say, “Messages are full.” But it didn’t. It just let me talk. I keep him on the line for hours.
All day, in fact. And when I finally run out of things to say it’s dark outside. And my heart is heavy and sad.
But you know what?
My conscience is clear.
And then I go down to the garage and get back to work on Kyle’s Jeep.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR – KALI
Alison is holding my hand as she leads me down the street to her apartment. She showed up at my place this afternoon looking for me because she went by my work at lunch and they told her I quit.
Yes. I quit. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know how to fix it, I just know I can’t work there anymore. I need to do something else. Maybe that means going back to school and learning something new, or just getting in my car and driving west until I hit the desert and my car breaks down so I have to get a waitressing job to make ends meet, or moving back in with my parents and pretending I’m a kid again.
I don’t know. I don’t care.
Life just… sucks.
“OK,” Alison says. “We’re here.”
“You got a new apartment?” I ask, then revise, because this isn’t an apartment. It’s a whole townhouse. Like a big one. Four stories tall plus a garden level. “How did I not know about this?”
“I told you I was moving… that day. But you probably don’t remember.”
“Oh.” I sigh. Then I feel guilty for missing out on her big news because Kyle died. Because this place is definitely better than the last one.
“Don’t get too excited. It’s not really mine.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, it’s my parents’ house.”
“What? You moved back home? Jesus, Alison. Why didn’t you tell me?”
She shrugs. “Kyle, ya know. You’ve been having a rough time.”
“Well, clearly I’m not the only one.”
“It’s not as dire as it sounds,” Alison says. “I told you a few weeks ago I wanted to open a new business, remember?”
“Uh… yeah. I remember.” I say this as I rack my brain for details I’ve obviously discarded. “Bakery, right?”
“Right! And I have the perfect plan!”
“We can’t afford the retail space, Alison. It’s too expensive.”
“We won’t need it.”
“How do you figure? We need a real kitchen. A good one with two ovens and—”
