Page 46 of Razor

“I don’t want you to.”

I’m struggling here, and she shrugs. “I just need some space, Razor. But if I’m honest, I don’t want to go either, but I must protect my heart around you and a little distance may help with that.”

“But I’ll see you later.”

Why is my heart crashing out right now?

“If you’re in the bar, sure.”

She turns, saying over her shoulder, “Have a nice afternoon, honey.”

I watch her leave. I have no words to make her stay. Not the ones she wants to hear, anyway.

As the door clicks softly behind her, I stare at it for the longest time, wondering how I can make this right.

I don’t want Sunday to have space from me. I want her beside me or, preferably, under me.

But I’m not the man to promise something he can’t deliver. I think too much of her to give her what she wants. I willneverbe the man my father was, even if I end up alone.

I hate how empty I am inside, and my fists curl beside me, and I thump the couch in an effort to let my frustration out. Short of tearing my condo apart, I do the next best thing and change into shorts. Pounding the trail for a couple of hours will release some of this pent-up energy while I attempt to reason with myself that I did the right thing. For Sunday, anyway.

CHAPTER 24

SUNDAY

Tears blind me as I walk away from Razor. He really left me no choice. I want more than to be his whore. I don’t really believe that’s how he thinks of me, but to everyone else; I am exactly that.

The idea of being with any other man leaves me cold. I only want him, but he needs to feel the same. I kind of guess he does, but is so God-damned stubborn he won’t admit it.

I’m at a loose end and unsure what to do now and so I head off to see Lou, hoping she has some work she can throw my way.

As I enter the cafeteria, she is sorting out the dishes, and her smile is a welcome one.

“Hey. Sunday. Are you here to help or early to eat?”

“Help.”

“Then grab an apron.”

I do as she says, grateful for the distraction, and after a few minutes, she says casually, “A problem shared is a problem halved.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“I’ve seen it all, honey. I’m probably guessing it’s concerning a certain man in your life, not too far away.”

“You guessed right.”

“It’s always a man in this place, honey.”

“I guess.”

I sigh as I load up the plates.

“I’m probably overthinking my relationship with Razor. He appears to want to be exclusive but won’t move it on. He wants my company, me in his bed, but when I ask where this is going, he won’t reassure me.”

Lou sighs, her hand on her hip as anger clouds her expression.

“He’s a hard nut to crack. Him and his brother, but if you want my view on it, I really believe he likes you but doesn’t possess the tools to deal with it, emotionally, I mean.”