Page 51 of Knot Your Pucking Secret

“Having two star hockey players under the same roof who insist on being rough on the ice sees them needing a ridiculous amount of physical therapy to look after their muscles. I took a course a few years ago, so that I could help take care of things at home.”

Lennon turns back to face me, eyes filled with disbelief and something else. Something that makes me blink a few times to make sure I am seeing the right thing. Wonder.

“Under all of that Alpha bravado, you are a pretty good guy. You’d make a good Beta.”

I snort, shaking my head. “I’m gonna let that slide because I know you’re baiting me. And I know you enjoy my knot too much for it to be a punishment.” A long silence fills the bathroom, her words washing over me and I can’t shake the heaviness I feel inside my chest at how wrong they are. “I’m not a good guy, Lennon. You know the things I’ve done—”

She cuts me off, “I do, Dominic. I know better than anyone just the kind of person you are. You are fiercely loyal, sometimes to a fault. You are caring, always making sure every single one of us has everything they need before you see to your own wants. Things may be hazy from my heat, but I knew that you cared for me endlessly, constantly checking my temperature and ensuring I got enough fluids in.”

I look away from Lennon shyly. It's almost hard to hear what she is saying, even though I know she’s just being honest. However misguided she is. I’ve killed before. I’d do it again. What kind of man does that make me now? I don’t say that though. She already knows the truth. But it doesn’t stop me from the shame of not being perfect for her in the ways she deserves. She deserves someone pure. Someone kind to their very core. Not someone who has nothing and no one. Yeah, I have my pack. But I grew up with nothing. No one. She deserves to have a whole ass traditional family, but the cards weren’t dealt that way for me. They weren’t dealt in her favor either, because everyone she’s ever known has let her down, or died. One thing I know for absolute certainty though, is we are not going anywhere. She’s stuck with us for life.

“Your morals may be questionable at times,” she says, making me snort in response. Understatement of the century. “But you are worthy, Dominic. Of the care and the love you share with everyone else. Even if you pretend to be a big tough scary Alpha. But you’re kind of a teddy bear. Dommy Dom Dom.”

My head snaps up. There is a soft smile on her face. One that is for me.

“No. That's not a thing. We’re not making that a thing.”

“What’s the matter, Dommy? Does it go against your tough guy Alpha image? Worried it might fuck with your street cred?”

She’s incorrigible.

Her laughter fills the bathroom, echoing like a cardinal’s song before she looks back at me. Fuck, I don’t know if she has ever looked at me like that. It makes me hopeful. Hopeful that one day, I will earn her forgiveness. That I will get to call her our wife.

“I love you, Lennon,” I blurt out, not realizing the words have escaped my mouth until it’s too late. Well shit. I don’t regret them though. Not for a fucking second. Because it's the truth.

There are a million emotions crossing her features, but I don’t stop. If I don’t get everything out that I want to say, she’ll probably up and leave again before I ever get the chance to say them again. I’d only drag her ass back here anyway, but she’ll be punished if she tries to pull that shit. A punishment I know she’ll hate to love.

“From the moment you walked into the locker room, you changed something in me that was so dark, I’d never felt like I would know how to crawl away from it. It’s like you finally showed me what the meaning of life really was. Through your resilience. Your triumph. Your power. You’re incredible. Your heart is pure, Lennon. I’ll never be worthy of it. But I’m a selfish bastard because I want it anyway.”

I shake my head, unable to stop myself from going back to my mistakes. The ones that stopped me from having a real shot at having a life with my Omega in the first place. I drop my eyes. I don’t think I can look at her for this next confession.

“I hope that one day I earn your love.”

Lennon doesn’t say anything for a long moment. I don’t look up, not even as the heaviness of her silence settles on my shoulders like a dead weight. I’m learning to admit to my faults. Between Sasha and Lennon, I’ve learned that being vulnerable isn’t at all that bad. That there is beauty in the breakdown.

A gentle touch under my chin has my eyes shooting up to meet Lennon’s. She doesn’t convey her feelings with her expression,nor with words. Instead, she leans in, placing a gentle kiss to my lips. One I eagerly return.

And with that one touch, she tells me everything I’ve been dying to hear.

One day.

Chapter Twenty

Lennon

Ithink I might throw up. I can’t stop pacing. Can’t stop rolling every single play from the book over in my mind, analyzing them for potential faults.

But I don’t find any. That should reassure me. Instead, it terrifies me.

I curse internally. Why the fuck haven’t any of the other coaches I have spoken to in the last few months prepared me for this moment?

It's probably because no one expected the team that lost its head coach, spent the better part of the season being written off as contenders for the wooden spoon, and clawed its way back from the brink would be standing one game away from the Stanley Cup. Yet, here we fucking are. From the moment reality came crashing back in after my heat, I haven’t had a single moment to think. Everything has moved at a relentless pace, each hour bleeding into the next until I can barely remember which way is up.

Blake kept the team for me, coming away with a win against the Crusaders, sending us straight into the finals. The biggestgame of the season. The biggest game in franchise history. Of my career. Okay, now I’m just making it worse.

I haven’t had a chance to think about anything apart from the game.

The Ars Mortis pack has been the last thing on my mind, even though they have been right beside me every single step of the way. Not once have they asked me for anything. Instead, they’ve spent every waking moment making sure I have everything I need.