Page 59 of Lost and Found

“You ready to do this?”

God, can everything be sexual if you try hard enough? What is wrong with me? I force another nod.

“All right. Well. What happened the other night, far as I can figure, was just a culmination of things. We’re attracted to each other, this is a given. Look at you. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen, with jelly on your face and a rat’s nest in your hair.” I start patting it down with a frown, heart leaping into my throat. “That we’ve gone almost two months living together withoutanything happening is a testament to our emotional maturity, I think.”

I swallow loudly. “It’s only been six weeks.” One week ago, it had only been five.

“Basically two months.” He smirks when I take another bite so huge I have to stuff the straggling end of it into my mouth with a finger. He’s managed it so beautifully—being the right amount of earnest and aloof, and yet all my nerve endings are practically singing at him calling me the sexiest woman he’s ever seen, delivered in that plain, matter-of-fact way.

Taxes are due in April, the earth is round, and I’m the sexiest woman he’s ever seen.

“You’re right,” I tell him. “And—and we’ve shared dinners and our space. We talk every day. Well . . . most days. We’ve shared more—more intimacies than plenty of new couples, I’d wager.”

“Exactly.”

Every time we’ve been less than okay and been open about it. Every time I’ve cried or shared a hope and he’s made me feel safe to. When I’ve asked him for help. In a way, I’vebeengetting naked with him repeatedly.

“Not that it wouldn’t be fun,” he murmurs, his hand circling my ankle through the comforter. “Or good.”

My throat goes thick. “We would be a lot of fun,” I say. And so good. “But I think we were right to stop.”

“Right. Because that specific kind of fun can get messy.” He says it like he’s reciting it back to himself from a flash card.

“Sometimes literally,” I add unhelpfully. I drop my forehead against my hand. My entire blood supply is pooling in the spot where he’s squeezing my ankle bone. “Sorry.”

He huffs a laugh and watches his thumb swipe back and forth, with a considerate look. “I wouldn’t want either of us to accidentally hurt the other.”

This makes me blink up at him sharply. I hadn’t even considered that I could be the one to hurt him at this juncture in our lives, not even when Wren asked me to be careful before. I only thought about me and the baby and not becoming dependent. But now a new realization comes into focus. I already did hurt him once, more than I was willing to see. He’s got plenty of reasons to feel wary of me, too, including how many other times I’ve kept him at arm’s length over the years.

“I’m sorry about before, Silas,” I tell him. “About brushing you off after that night.”

He takes back his hand and studies it. “It’s all right. I knew Merritt was your priority right then, and I understood it.” His mouth sighs into a smile. “I just . . . I knew you weren’t mine to miss, but I still did. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” I strip off a piece of my own self-preservation to admit the next part. “I felt the same way about you.”

“But,” he says, leaving it open-ended for me to finish.

The way he looks at me makes it hard to remember. I’m still all out of alignment and have to take my time finding my answer. “But. Now that we’re real friends again, I don’t want to mess this up. I can’t afford for this to get messed up.”

“Yeah. You’re . . . you’re in my system, Bea. I don’t want you to get me out of yours.” He’s talking to his lap again. “Now that we’ve got this, I don’t want to lose it, either.”

I watch his hand over my ankle a little longer. “So we won’t. It happened. But we’re friends and we know what’s at stake, so we won’t let it happen again.”

“Good. Sounds like a plan,” he warmly agrees. “Wanted to ask you a couple of other things, too,” he adds, eyes drifting away and back. “First, do you need help with your shot today?”

“No, I’ll be okay.”

“You sure? I’m in a surprisingly good mood. I can suffer your booty cheek.”

I nod sagely. I think if I had to see a single bare inch of any of his erogenous zones today or in the near future, I would combust on the spot. I’ll spare him as much as I can. “I appreciate how noble you are, Silas, thank you. I’m certain I’m all good today.”

“Second, I thought I’d see if you were free and wanted to go with me to Wren and Ellis’s for a barbecue later? We’re celebrating Wren’s birthday late and mine a little early.”

I sip on my coffee. “I moved a few clients to today so I could take your birthday weekend off, but I’ll be free later in the afternoon. I can meet you there.”

I feel his smile like a magnet—warmth gathering in my cheeks like filaments beneath my skin.Damn.

“All right. Cool,” he says. “Cool, cool, cool.” He starts peppering Cali with kisses.