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'Just clearing my throat,' said Rincewind, and grinned. He had put a lot of thought into that grin. It was the sort of grin people use when they stare at your left ear and tell you in an urgent tone of voice that they are being spied on by secret agents from the next galaxy. It was not a grin to inspire confidence. More horrible grins had probably been seen, but only on the sort of grinner that is orange with black stripes, has a long tail and hangs around in jungles looking for victims to grin at.
'Wipe that off,' said Herrena, trotting up.
Where the track led down to the river bank there was a crude jetty and a big bronze gong.
'It'll summon the ferryman,' said Herrena. 'If we cross here we can cut off a big bend in the river. Might even make it to a town tonight.'
Weems looked doubtful. The sun was getting fat and red, and the mists were beginning to thicken.
'Or maybe you want to spend the night this side of the water?'
Weems picked up the hammer and hit the gong so hard that it spun right around on its hanger and fell off.
They waited in silence. Then with a wet clinking sound a chain sprang out of the water and pulled taut against an iron peg set into the bank. Eventually the slow flat shape of the ferry emerged from the mist, its hooded ferryman heaving on a big wheel set in its centre as he winched his way towards the shore.
The ferry's flat bottom grated on the gravel, and the hooded figure leaned against the wheel panting.
'Two at a time,' it muttered.' That'sh all. Jusht two, with horshesh.'
Rincewind swallowed, and tried not to look at Twoflower. The man would probably be grinning and mugging like an idiot. He risked a sideways glance.
Twoflower was sitting with his mouth open.
'You're not the usual ferryman,' said Herrena. 'I've been here before, the usual man is a big fellow, sort of —'
'It'sh hish day off.'
'Well, okay,' she said doubtfully. 'In that case – what's he laughing at?'
Twoflower's shoulders were shaking, his face had gone red, and he was emitting muffled snorts. Herrena glared at him, then looked hard at the ferryman.
That'sh the shtuff!' said Cohen. 'You're a marvel.' He ooked sideways at Twoflower.
'I would have beaten it,' he said quietly, 'even if you hadn't called it off, I would have beaten it in the end.'
'That's right,' said Bethan.
'You two can make yourshelf usheful,' he added. That Luggage broke through a troll tooth to get ush out. That wash diamond. Shee if you can find the bitsh. I've had an idea about them.'
As Bethan rolled up her sleeves and uncorked the bottle Rincewind took Twoflower to one side. When they were safely hidden behind a shrub he said, 'He's gone barmy.'
'That's Cohen the Barbarian you're talking about!' said Twoflower, genuinely shocked. 'He is the greatest warrior that —'
'Was,' said Rincewind urgently. 'All that stuff with the warrior priests and man-eating zombies was years ago. All he's got now is memories and so many scars you could play noughts-and-crosses on him.'
'He is rather more elderly than I imagined, yes,' said Twoflower. He picked up a fragment of diamond.
'So we ought to leave them and find our horses and move on,' said Rincewind.
'That's a bit of a mean trick, isn't it?'
'They'll be all right,' said Rincewind heartily. 'The point is, would you feel happy in the company of someone who would attack the Luggage with his bare hands?'
'That is a point,' said Twoflower.
'They'll probably be better off without us anyway.'
'Are you sure?'
