Page 16 of Below the Deck

She tried to clear her mind, focus on her surroundings. But it was too late: the memory was back. It played on a reel behind her eyes: the day she got that bruise; what had really happened …

And then, in a violent rush, the rage and pain pummelled her, a storm of fury and sadness, snatching her breath, winding her. She gasped for air.

Come on, Luce. Just breathe. Try to stay in the present moment. Don’t let it take you over.She forced herself to think about what her therapist would say:You don’t have to deal with all your feelings at once. Just take it a day at a time; an hour at a time; a minute at a time.

She should make it shorter, while she was here: she should make it a second at a time. She could do one second at a time without losing the plot, couldn’t she? Without bursting with rage, without unleashing her hurt and grief in an explosion of fury?

She’d have to – she couldn’t risk losing control.

As much as she might want to, she couldn’t risk leaving this trip as a murderer.

SAM

Sam hovered at the edge of the master stateroom’s doorway, careful not to even breathe too loudly, as he watched Lucy rifling through the notebook on Rory and Talia’s desk.

What the hell is she doing in there?

He’d only popped below deck during lunch to put his phone on charge before their afternoon trip. He was curious when he saw the door to Rory and Talia’s cabin – the cabin next to his – was slightly open. And he was even more curious when he’d heard shuffling sounds coming from inside. He knew the stewardesses couldn’t be in there – Johanna was clearing up after lunch, and Michaela was apparently still in the crew cabins, not well enough to work.

His intrigue had deepened a hundred times when he crept towards the crack in the doorway, and saw Lucy in there, scanning a notebook, then flipping the page and reading the next one, over and over again.

Sam was baffled. Lucy didn’t strike him as bold enough to rifle through her boss’s cabin; she seemed more like the kindof woman who wanted to apologize for merely existing. Yet here she was, scouring Rory’s things, in the middle of the day, with the other guests and crew only metres away.The gall of her.Sam hated to admit it, but he was sort of impressed.

Before he could decide whether or not to announce himself, he heard footsteps on the spiral staircase; someone else was coming below deck.Imagine if Rory catches her in the act.Now,thatwould make for an interesting scene.

Quietly Sam backed away and slipped into his cabin, pulling the door almost closed. He listened as the footsteps reached the bottom of the stairs, and then heard Mark’s voice from the corridor, loud and confused: ‘What the hell are you doing in here?’

Busted.Clearly, whatever Lucy was up to, Mark knew nothing about it. Sam strained to hear the conversation between them that followed, but only made out a few words here and there:sales figures … breakfast … can’t find them. So she was claiming this was just a bit of work admin. Careful not to make a sound, he watched as they slipped past his door, Lucy’s head bowed, and walked along the corridor and up the stairs.

Sam stayed where he was for a few minutes. After their footsteps had faded, he sat quietly on his bed, trying to make sense of what he’d just seen. What was Lucy up to? He’d been wary enough already, mystified as he was by her presence here. Now, seeing her sneaking into the boss’s cabin, clearly on the hunt for something, his confusion had become downright suspicion.

One thing’s for sure: I’m not going to find out what she was doing by sitting in my cabin on my own.

He made his way back upstairs and across the main deckto the stern. The group were gathered on the swim platform there, preparing for the visit to themarae– everyone was applying sun cream and checking their water bottles were filled. As he approached them, his foot stung uncomfortably – the cut on his sole had touched a small puddle of seawater.Christ. It really fucking hurts.

‘Ah, shit. Listen, guys – I think I’m going to have to sit this one out. This foot’s still giving me grief. Much as I’d love to join, I’ll only slow everyone down.’

Disappointment tinged his voice. Noah tried to comfort him: ‘Sorry you’re not up to it, mate,’ as Eleni flashed him a sympathetic smile.

Sam looked at the floor, embarrassed. He hated feeling like an invalid. He wanted to join in, hike to see themarae, swim in the sea. This was bucket list stuff he was missing out on – he was spending this trip of a lifetime holed up on a boat. But at least it was theLusso– there were worse places he could be confined to hobble around.

Once they’d all climbed into the tender with Noah, Sam watched as the small boat made its way to shore. With them gone, the air seemed to abruptly change; he could breathe more deeply.

Maybe it’ll be a relief to have some space from all the couples.Being around them all the time – it hurt. It made Sam miss Claire. And swirling among the sadness was the hot, eviscerating fury he felt towards the man who’d caused them to break up in the first place. The same man he was now sharing a living space with:Rory.

It was starting to do his head in, the rage and the pain and the injustice. He’d been all right back home, hanging out withhis mates for the past couple of weeks every time he felt lonely, nursing his sorrows in too many pints of Guinness.

But here, he couldn’t stop thinking about his ex and how they’d ended; he kept playing it over and over. The ultimatum she’d given him – telling him to stop pursuing his ambitions, asking him to potentially fuck up the career he’d been building for over a decade.

No. There’s no coming back from that.No relationship was worth that, was it? She made the right choice ending it, if that’s really what she’d wanted.

Sam caught sight of Johanna at the stern of the upper deck and called up to her for a cold beer. Once she’d brought it down to him, he wandered over to the edge of the swim platform, where Kai was hosing down the floor.

‘You okay with me joining you here for a bit?’ Sam asked, lifting his bottle.

Kai smiled. ‘Of course. As long as you’re not planning to try to help. I’m a bit too busy to train up a newbie.’

Sam made the sign of a cross on his chest. ‘I swear I wouldn’t dream of it, fella.’ He settled himself on the edge of the swim platform and let his legs dangle over the side. ‘So,’ he said, ‘how long have you been doing this – working on luxury yachts?’