Page 41 of Below the Deck

Love had made him a fool. He shouldn’t have trusted her with the stuff he found out.He’d just been so sure she’d get it. She’d said she was a feminist – look at the way she was always on the side of women who revealed abuses of power: men were guilty at the first sniff of misconduct, that was her opinion. She’d stopped watchingWhat’s for Tea, GB?the same day a vague news report came out about one of its presenters inviting a junior production exec to his hotel room. Swore she’d never give him another second of her time.

Sam loved that fierceness about her. And heagreedwith her – that was the whole point. He was trying to stand up for exactly the same kind of thing. Even if the way he’d had to go about it was a little … unorthodox.

‘Sam?’ Lucy prompted. He’d wandered off there for a minute, into his thoughts, and left them hanging. He had to saysomething.

‘But, ah, you know. It just didn’t work out.’ He shrugged. ‘We didn’t see eye to eye on a few things. Turned out, those things were a deal-breaker for her.’

Eleni tilted her head to one side and made a sympathetic noise. The gesture made him think of his mam. He had a sudden pang for her – the feel of her soft belly when she wrapped him in a hug; the way she always smelled vaguely of lavender and banana bread. She’d been so proud of him, getting a place on this trip. He swallowed.

‘I met her once, I think,’ said Eleni. ‘At the awards do earlier this year, maybe?’

It took Sam a second to work out they’d been talking about Claire – not his mam. He nodded. ‘Yeah, sounds right. I brought her along.’

‘She seemed lovely – I remember now, we were chatting about her little niece and how excited she was for her sixth birthday. She even indulged me by looking at pictures of my kids, bless her. I’m really sorry things didn’t work out.’

‘That sounds like Claire. She was … I mean,islovely.’ He caught himself. ‘Got to remember to still talk about her in the present tense. Don’t mean to make it sound like she’s … like she’sdead!’

He attempted a laugh, but the sound took him by surprise;it came out all wrong – it was more of a sob.Oh God.To his horror, Sam realized his eyes had filled; he blinked rapidly.I haven’t let myself cry about her once. Why the fuck is this happening now, in front of people I work with?

Maybe it was the way Eleni remembered Claire at that event. Or how kind she was being about her. Or even just the fact that someone had actuallyaskedhim about it, and said they were sorry, rather than dismissing it; rather than telling him he’d be fine, that there were plenty more fish in the sea. Because it wasn’t true; there weren’t. Not like Claire. Rory had destroyed the best thing that ever happened to him.

‘Sorry,’ he croaked. ‘The salty air makes my eyes water, I think. And my throat is so dry.’

He reached for the jug of icy water garnished with cucumber and mint, poured a glass and downed it in three gulps. He was sohotin this stupid suit. He patted at his cheeks: they were boiling. He poured some more water in the glass, then splashed it onto his hands and used them to cool his face.

Lucy was watching him curiously. As he met her eyes, she pushed her chair back. ‘Sorry this hasn’t been the party we were hoping for. But all this drama has wiped me out – I’m going to get an early night.’

Perhaps she was desperate to get away from him now, after he’d revealed the pain of his heartbreak. It was weak, letting them both see him like that. It was embarrassing.

‘Night,’ said Eleni, waving her off. They both watched as Lucy stood and walked away and through the salon doors. Sam took another glug of wine; he was feeling it now.

‘Bit weird, isn’t it?’ he murmured. The booze was making him bold.

Eleni met his eyes. ‘What is?’

Sam shrugged. ‘I don’t want to sound like a dick. But just … Lucy.’

‘You think Lucy’s weird?’

‘I don’t meanshe’sweird, exactly. But just … the way Mark said she’s, like, a special case. Not Rory’s usual pick. I gotta admit, I was a bit surprised when I found out she was coming.’

Eleni sighed. ‘Yeah. I was too, at first. But I get it now, sort of. It’s like Rory said – he wanted to mix things up a bit. And she’s good at her job, isn’t she?’ Eleni gave Sam a meaningful look.

‘We all are,’ he replied hastily. ‘But with Lucy – you don’t think … ah, no. Never mind.’

Eleni leaned forward, rested her elbows on the table. ‘Think what?’

‘That she’s one of Rory’s women.’

‘His women?’ Eleni was indignant. ‘And who are they, exactly?’

I’ve gone too far.‘Forget I said anything. Honestly, it doesn’t matter.’

‘No, no. I want to know now – tell me, please. Who exactly are Rory’swomen?’

Sam fiddled with the stem of his wine glass for a moment, then dropped his voice low: ‘You must have noticed. He’s got his favourites – and it’s usually the young, pretty, new joiners …’

Eleni snorted. ‘I’m sorry, but … what are you suggesting exactly? That Lucy’s – what, sleeping with Rory to get ahead in her career? That’s ridiculous, Sam.’