I’m still tryingto calm down when I get back home that evening from a very contentious meeting with the accounts managers. I didn’t even order dinner, just left the office in a daze.
Hopefully, Gran picked up a chef last night. Ooh, a pasta chef would be nice. I could go for some lasagna.
“Hurry up!” Piper drags me into the house. “Your mom and dad will be back from the Caroways’ soon. They’re having a cocktail party. They wanted me to come, but Gran and I are staging an intervention.”
“I don’t need an intervention, I need ravioli.”
“You need to get laid. A virgin? My granddaughter? Those tits? This is a travesty!” Gran hollers when she sees me.
“You told Gran?” I shriek at Piper.
“I thought we were cool!” Gran rails. “I have men in and out of this apartment. I could have arranged something!”
“She wants a nice experience, Gran. You know Dani’s a romantic.”
“Romance is for children.” Gran shakes a fist. “You’re on a tight timeline. V-Day is upon us.”
“Did you tell her about…you know?” I hiss.
Piper shakes her head subtly.
In the living room slash Piper’s bedroom, Gran’s got several ominous-looking bags and boxes.
“We gave Graham the one-two punch. Flirting with his stepbrother was a genius move, Piper.” Gran gives her a little bow. “I have taught you well. Now.” Gran regards me. “Take off your skirt. Let me see what we’re working with.”
“I already shaved! I don’t need to strip.”
“You can’t be shy, girl. When you go to his penthouse tonight, you need to be ready to strike a pose. Let him know you’re down for him to blow off some steam.”
“Can we have this conversation tomorrow?” I beg. “I’m hungry.”
“No time like the present. You have to fall on that dick with arms wide open. You’re my granddaughter. You’re a sex goddess at heart. When I was your age, I’d already slept through half of Wall Street,” Gran says proudly. “Now. I’ve done a lot of research into Graham Richmond, and I know what makes him tick.”
She pauses for dramatic effect.
“He has a kidnapping kink.”
I want to puke.
“She means she listened to the audiobook ofFifty Shades of Grey,” Piper assures me. “And only part of it at that, right, Gran?”
“I’m gonna finish it at some point. I have a lot on my plate. Maxwell needs a place to stay while he’s waiting to get called up to the NHL from the minors.”
“Wait, he’s living here?” Piper makes a face. “How old is this kid, Gran?”
“He’s legal. I checked. Let’s keep it down. He’s asleep.”
Gran bustles around to the boxes.
“I’ve got you all ready to go.” She throws a white dress with a poufed skirt and a lacy sweetheart neckline at me.
“I’m not wearing this. It looks like a communion dress.”
“Amen.”
“No, take it from me and Mr. Grey over here.” She waves the paperback at me. “All those billionaires are perverted at heart. Now, Piper, this dress needs boob tape, but we don’t want to nail the windows closed if we’re trying to commit insurance fraud, am I right?”
“She’s going senile. Mom is right.”
