“You guys are fucking. He’ll be happy to give you a dick pic. Make it a nice one, please!” She presses her palms together. “Wewant to impress people. This can and will get spread around the Upper East Side. Warm lighting!”
“No, we’re not.”
“You just said you were. Don’t lie to me, woman!”
“I mean, we had sex, but like, I still haven’t been kissed? So like, I don’t know where he and I stand? Like, is it a relationship? Is it a situationship?”
“How did you have sex and he didn’t kiss you? Like, how would that even work?” Piper’s eyes narrow.
“I don’t know. I’m a newly minted nonvirgin!”
“Look, I’m really here for your ‘not a girl, not yet a woman’ moment, and normally I would sit here and hash out your emotional letdown from the bad sex.”
“Oh, it wasn’t bad.” My face goes hot. “I mean, the first time, when he just threw me on the floor and fucked me up the ass, like a dog, that was not great—I mean, it felt great but didn’t feel great, you feel me? But then it got better.”
Piper’s mouth opens in a silent scream.
“You hadsexsex.”
“Hehad sex. I was…”
“The cum sock?”
“Gross!”
“Practice makes better.”
I grimace.
“Okay, yeah, so forget what I said. I’m going to need deets.”
Piper’s mouth is on the floor as she listens to me rehash last night in hushed whispers, lest my mom overhear that her daughter is—gasp!—having sex and—gasp!—not married and—gasp!—having sex while not trying to make a grandbaby from it.
“Yeah, that fucker owes you a dick pic.”
“Can’t I just text him and ask him for one?”
“You’ve online dated. You know how men love to photograph their penises when left to their own devices.”
“We need to break up,”I announce in a rush when Graham opens the door.
He looks shocked to see me.
Lulu yips happily.
I’m a little more apprehensive.
“Oh, um.” I take in his shirtless state, the bare feet, the tousled hair.
“I’m busy.”
“Oh!” I squeak out, twisting the leash in my hand.
Turn around.
I want to pretend you’re someone else…
“Ohhh, so that’s why the no kissing and why you don’t like me? You have an actual real girlfriend here. Got it, cool, um, well then we definitely really should break up. Well, fake break up since this is a fake relationship.”
