“Yeah, I mean it was a shit show. I’m going to have to get rid of this jacket though.”
“What? No.”
After kicking off my shoes, I follow Piper into the apartment. The TV is on in the living room. There’s a half-naked man on the couch.
I strip off my jacket and my pants and lie on the floor. Lulu flops down next to me to lick her paws.
“Oh my god, is this normal? You bring homeless people off the street to live here?” The man is horrified. “Call the police!”
“Hey, buddy, my grandma picked you up at the Starbucks, and I know you don’t have anywhere to live.” Piper wags her finger at him.
“I just moved here,” he sniffs, “from Ottawa.”
“I live here, and you’re on Piper’s bed,” I say into the carpet. The nice, soft carpet.
“Dani, no, you can’t sleep at a time like this. There’s a crisis.”
I smell coffee as Piper sets down a steaming mug.
“Where’s my coffee?” the half-nude man demands.
There’s a commercial on the TV for a new salon on 33rd Street. Botox and Blowouts.
“Sounds like something she needs.” Half-naked guy makes a face.
“Okay, you know what? Out,” Piper snaps.
“Your grandmother said I could stay here.”
“And she’s not here, is she? So out!” Piper yells.
“Where is Gran?” I croak into the carpet.
“No one knows anything about hospitality anymore, do they?” the half-nude man yells, grabbing his clothes.
Piper flips him off, and he retaliates by taking my coffee.
“You’re the reason why women stay single!” Piper shrieks after him.
He slams the door behind him.
On TV, the morning-show host announces, “And now for that juicy update on the Wall Street kidnapping. Colette has some updates she would like to share with us.”
“Oh no.”
Now I’m awake. Unfortunately. Because on the TV, there’s Colette airing my deepest, darkest secret. And no, not the factthat I had an ill-advised crush on my chemistry professor in high school and made a scrapbook in his honor.
“So you’re saying,” the morning-show host tells Colette, “that your friend Danielle made up this whole kidnapping?”
Colette nods. The smile on her face is pure evil. “Dani’s delusional. She’s always been obsessed with boys. Too bad for her, men just don’t like her, and it’s not hard to see why. She clearly made up this whole kidnapping thing for attention. And the worst part of it is that she used it to try and blackmail poor Graham Richmond.”
“The billionaire?” The morning host is aghast.
“And philanthropist,” Colette adds. “He has a charity that does wonderful work. Let’s just say that I was suspicious from the start that Graham didn’t actually like her. I mean, not to be mean, but a man like that has certain standards. Instead of putting in the work to make herself more desirable, Danielle”—she turns to the camera—“I just want people to know that there are women out there who respect men, who aren’t out there to manipulate men for their own gain—”
“Liiiieeesss!” Gran comes screaming into the TV studio.
“Why is everyone up so early?” I groan.
