Page 129 of Embrace

With my back pressed against the brick wall, he towers over me.

He doesn’t move any closer.

“You do know, Scarlett. And I’m not taking that as your answer. Everyone keeps shit from me, but not you. So why this?”

I don’t answer, biting into my lip. With Kian, my thoughts flew out of my head like effortless streams. I knew that whatever came out he would catch in his hands and listen to carefully. I want to tell him that he’s the only guy I’ve slept with and felt safe with. But all those words sound like lies now that I’ve forced us into this mess.

His shoulders fall when I don’t speak, and he starts to turn away, but my hand shoots out to grab his wrist. Like if he’d gone any farther, he’d rip away the Velcro keeping my heart in my chest.

“Don’t leave,” I say quickly.

He softens, like a marshmallow over a flame. I see a glimpse of the Kian he’s always been with me, before everything.

“I’ve known Kilner—yourdad—for so long, and he’s been such a huge part of my life. You knew that all this time. You know everything about me, Scarlett.Everything. And you couldn’t tell me this?”

I’m already shaking my head. “You would have never evenlookedat me if you knew he was my dad.”

Kian blinks. “You don’t know that. You couldn’t have ever known that.”

“But I do!” I take a breath. “I know what your relationship is like with him. I’ve heard about it for years. I’ve known to never go for hockey players, especially my dad’s. But you noticed me at study group, then again at the welcome party, and for once it wasn’t because of my reputation—you saw me for me. You wereniceto me. And everything I knew flew out the window. I’ve had this embarrassing crush on you for years, but I knew you would never go for a girl like me. I would have never even let you. You want stability andcommitment. I wasn’t that girl, but I wanted to be. For you. Even knowing who I was. Even knowing what my dad would think.”

For the first time in my life, I wanted to let myself have him because I thought I could be good enough.

I don’t dare look at him.

“If my dad found out I went to see Victor, he would be disappointed. Like everything he’s given me isn’t enough. And I didn’t want this”—I wave a hand between us—“to be another reason I screwed up.”

When I brave a look, his cheeks are pink like I’ve slapped him. “You think us dating is screwing up?”

I sigh. “You know what my dad is like, Kian. He’s intense, and protective. This goes against the one thing he’s always warned me about.”

“That doesn’t mean you screwed up.” There’s an intensity in his gaze that knocks my breath away. When I don’t answer, he exhales a heavy breath, staring at my hand on his wrist. The touch starts to singe, but I don’t care, I have to get it all out.

“What’d you think would happen? That you’d never tell me and somehow that would work?”

“You’re the captain. You finally got what you wanted all these years, that recognition and acceptance from my dad. I know he doesn’t give that away easily. I couldn’t be the one to take it away, not when he holds such an important place in your life.”

“Youhold an important place in my life.”

My chest warms, even as the wind blows past us. “So my dad going back to treating you the way he did the past five years would be okay with you?”

“I don’t care about any of that.”

“You do. I know you, Kian. That would eat at you, and you’d resent me for it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you will. And that doesn’t mean I’m not happy for you, I’m so fucking proud of you, but I won’t be the reason you lose what you worked so hard for.Because I know he’s still a big part in all your friends’ lives, and it would hurt you not to have that too.”

He shakes his head, dropping his eyes to the ground. Then a breath rolls through him. I want to lean into him so bad my chest hurts.

He won’t do it. No matter how much I hurt him, Kian could never hurt me. But I can. I’ve been doing it for years.

“I know I messed up, and I’m sorry for lying to you. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.”

“Scarlett, stop.” He might as well be gasping for air, his eyes wet. He starts to shake his head, reaching for my wrist this time, pulling it close to press against the hard muscles of his chest. “You’re trying to push me out. This isn’t right—”

“You don’t deserve this.” I swallow the ball of emotion in my throat. “I can’t be something you resent. I’ve felt that before and can’t—not with you.” Victor’s wild eyes flash before me. There’s so much I tried to do to make that work, but it’s like gluing together a broken vase: It still shows all its cracks.

I pull my wrist from Kian’s loose grip, and I turn away. There’s a sharp pain in every joint in my body, but I don’t dare look back.

Forty-six