Page 59 of Embrace

“Yes.”

And then, for the first time in four years, I sleep peacefully.

Twenty

Scarlett

Kian:What if I drop out and become a phone sex operator?

Scarlett:Hey! That’s my plan. But why would you need to drop out?

Kian:You can’t half-ass your dreams, Scar.

Scarlett:Right, or you’re scared of Dr. Dunn.

“You haven’t moved an inch since I left this morning,” says Sierra. “Did something happen? My parents have been asking about you.”

Sierra’s parents are my godparents. It’s more of a formality than anything, but they’ve taken that role very seriously. Ever since we were kids, they’ve loved me like their own daughter.

“I miss them. And I’m fine.”

How do you tell your best friend who you’ve been keeping secrets from that the prison called and rejected your application to visit Victor?

He doesn’t want to see you.

I’ve sent so many letters, not ever asking for a reply. I’ve attached pictures of us, asking him to remember. Like saying, here’s proofthat you loved me once. Even if you didn’t, I’m still an exact copy of you. I’m yours, you can’t deny that at least.

He’s been playing with my heart since I was a kid, and every single time I let myself fall into the trap because I’m always reaching, trying to gather the people I love close, the way a child lines up her newest stuffed animals at night, needing to see them all in one place to believe they’re still there.

Except I’m trying to get one that’s never wanted me.

I hate myself for forcing it. I know it shouldn’t matter, and that he’s a terrible man, but something in me practically begs to still have the love I witnessed once.

With those thoughts comes the guilt of knowing I do have a dad. The best one in the world, yet I can’t seem to accept that that’s enough. It makes me question whether I’m the shitty daughter in all this.

I focus on my work again, diving into another bout of taking mock tests so I’ll be prepared. My head starts to pound and my stomach grumbles, but I don’t bother listening to either. Outside, the sun sets and I’m forced to flick on the lamp to see my work. My eyes sting from the loss of sleep with each passing hour, but I don’t let my brain rest. If I do, I’ll be hearing all those thoughts again.

It’s not until I take the last sip of my water that the door flings open and Kian Ishida stands in the threshold, breathing so heavily I wonder what he was running from.

“Scarlett,” he says. “You didn’t show up for study group. I thought something—”

I try to get my bottom lip to stop quivering. Because I realize he wasn’t runningfromanything. He was runningtome.

He’s got on sweats and a simple tee, the outfit he usually dons after practice. From the looks of it, he probably just finished their evening skate.

He sits on the floor beside me, quietly studying my face.

“Come here,” Kian says softly, so softly that I nearly melt at thewords alone. I hesitate, but I’m fine, and his hug won’t kill me, so I scoot over to him, pressing a hand to his crisscrossed legs. I barely outstretch my arms before he’s pulling me in, lifting me entirely so I’m on his lap, his body surrounding mine. It’s almost how you’d coddle a child, and I feel like one, especially when he takes a deep, deep breath, making me automatically mimic it.

It’s when I exhale, and he presses his palm to the back of my head, that it’s game over. I let out the heaviest, loudest, most exhausted sob right into his T-shirt. Kian doesn’t seem the least bit surprised, and he continues to soothe me, cooing comforting words in my ears as I let out one gut-wrenching sob after the other.

“I—I,” I gasp out, trying to explain myself and make this whole ordeal less embarrassing.

“Shh. It’s okay, baby.”

“He doesn’t want to see me.”

I can feel the tension in his shoulders, like he’s ready to go and fix this for me. He pauses for a beat, then sighs like it’s painful. “I’m sorry.”