Page 90 of Alchemy of Souls

Just that small sound at the back of her slender throat and I’m lost. Then she lifts her hand, lightly pressing it to my chest and whatever restraint I still possess snaps.

I reach out, brushing her long hair over her shoulder, my thumb grazing her neck as she leans into my touch.

I bend toward her, our lips nearly touching and the feel of her breath driving me mad. “I’m not a good guy,” I warn her. “You should probably stay away from me.”

“I think you’re better than you realize,” she says, and I want so badly to believe that. I want to be the man she thinks I am.

Her pupils dilate, and her breath hitches, and I know there’s no going back, no rewinding these last couple minutes and forgetting them. Ever so gently I brush my lips against hers like a question. She smiles.

I groan. “You taste as good as you smell.”

Her hand moves up my chest to the back of my neck and she deepens the kiss, pulling me toward her.

Now there’s no hesitation, no feather-light touches. My kisses turn hungry. I loop my hands under her thighs and lift her up in one easy motion, enjoying the weight of her in my arms.

She wraps her legs around my waist and I walk her toward the bed, placing her onto it. The soft comforter catches her back and she laughs.

I linger, enjoying the sight of her on my bed, and she flashes me a wicked smile.

My hands come down on either side of her shoulders and I study her, wanting to remember every second of this, the way she looks in my T-shirt, the way she fits in my arms.

She reaches up, running her fingers through my hair and my stomach coils. Suddenly, my lips are on hers again, my hands sliding under her back. Her tongue finds mine and she arches into me.

I feel myself slipping. I’m losing myself in this, in her. Her legs are around my waist, my weight is on her chest and I know as my hand grazes her thigh that if I don’t stop now, I won’t be able to—Idon’t mean in this moment, but full stop. That if I fall here, I’ll never get back up.

I can’t do that to her. I can’t taste her and kiss her and tangle her body around mine when I know what I know. Truth matters to her. It’s a cornerstone of who she is. And I can’t do this if I’m going to give her less than that.

So, as her hand slips under my shirt, grazing my stomach and sending me spiraling, I pull back.

“We can’t do this,” I say, standing up and pushing my hair back with both hands.

“I thought—” she says, and the scent of her confusion guts me.

“We can’t,” I say more insistently, wanting to explain but also unable to. “It wouldn’t work. Ever. You don’t know me. And you wouldn’t like me if you did.”

She stares at me, trying to make sense of my words. “Don’t you think that’s my decision to make?” she says, sitting up in my bed where I can barely look at her.

“I don’t date,” I say with finality. “I hook up with girls, sure. But that’s about it.” I hate my words, however true they might be, but what I hate more is how they affect her.

CHAPTER 44Eloise

I stare dumbfounded at Grayson, still buzzing with sensation and grappling with how things flipped so quickly.

I pull up my knees and wrap my arms around them. None of it makes sense. “Why are you trying to convince me you’re a bad person? Bad people don’t say they’re bad. They just do what they want in the moment and let things crumble later.”

“I’m sleeping on the couch,” he says, not even trying to answer with logic.

The whole thing makes me irrationally angry. Nothing he’s saying adds up. “Great. Well,I’msleeping on the floor,” I say, and I slide off the comforter, my feet landing on the soft rug.

He freezes. “I just said I’m giving you the bed.”

“And I’m saying you can take your pity elsewhere, because I don’t want it.I’m sleeping on the floor.”

“Pity?” he repeats, just as fired up. “I’m beingpolite.”

“Well, that’s the biggest load of BS I’ve ever heard,” I say. “Which fits, actually, because you just lied. About why you stopped kissing me.”

He gives me a warning look. “I didn’t lie.”