Page 88 of Immortal Game

“I don’t.” Ciara pressed her lips to the top of Shea’s spine. “It brings me no joy to see you suffering.”

Shea closed her swollen eyes. “I’ve been an idiot.”

“You were a child. You were afraid, and you loved her. That is no crime, Shea.”

Shea scrubbed at the tears drying on her face. “She told me to leave. It’s like we’re bishops of opposite colors now.”

“Hardly. You are both a little hotheaded—and a little prone to martyrdom, in the unlikely event you have not realized that.” Ciara rested her chin on Shea’s shoulder. “She will come around. You cannot punish yourself anymore. No one would ask you to, least of all your sister. Will you set this burden down?”

Shea let out a humorless laugh. “I don’t know what to do instead.”

“Anything.” Ciara pulled back enough so that Shea could see her face. “You are free to choose what you want, outside of desperate circumstances. If you really do choose to quit, it is your decision alone.”

“I…”

“But before you make that very ill-advised decision,” Ciara interjected, “you should know what a loss it would be. If you do not love chess anymore, that is one thing, but I believe youdo, deep down. I have seen it, what happens when you let go of that fear that holds you back. When you set it aside, I do not know if there’s any limit to what you might achieve. So if you decide to face my brother, you’ll have to decide what it is you truly want.”

Shea’s throat burned. God, no. She could not cry again. “When did you get so wise?”

“Sometime over the last few days,” she replied unhappily. “I have done a lot of reflecting. I do not think I enjoy it.”

“Yeah. Me neither.” Shea studied her. How was it possible someone could show her so much tenderness and wound her so badly? “Still, I think we should talk about us.”

“Ah. I’d hoped the motivational speech might make you forget.” Ciara wrung her hands anxiously together. “Shall we go somewhere more private?”

A few servants still bustled about the hall, doing their best to look as though they hadn’t been listening in. Shea was too exhausted to be embarrassed about her outburst now. But perhaps this conversation was best had without an audience. She nodded.

Ciara helped her up and led her out of the tournament hall. They walked through the knee-deep mist until they reached the lakes. Boats rocked against their tethers, and surface waves lapped at the dark stones that made up the shoreline. Here, she could hear nothing but the churn of the water and the splash of the ducks as they landed in it. Ciara began unfastening the knot that anchored one of the little rowboats to the dock.

“Can you row?” she asked.

“In theory.”

With a put-out sigh, Ciara gestured for Shea to get in. Sheaclambered in as the boat swayed violently beneath her. Ciara steadied her by the elbow until she settled onto the bench.

Ciara stepped in after her, as light and graceful as a leaf landing atop still water. The boat did not shift at all beneath her weight. A little mystified, Shea wondered if she could step out onto the surface like a pond skater. She took one of the oars from beneath her seat. When Ciara held out her hand expectantly, Shea passed it over.

Ciara pushed them out of the shallows, then let the paddle go. Shea choked back a noise of protest. She’d expected it to sink and leave them stranded—or at least to float uselessly beside them. It remained standing upright, held by an invisible hand, and paddled them out to the center of the lake. Ciara did not so much as lift a finger, but surely, this kind of magic must’ve taken some effort on her part.

They didn’t speak, but the world came alive with sound as the sun sank toward the horizon. Water trickled musically off the blade of the oar. Insects droned, and frogs sang. The lake was a perfect mirror of the sky above; it reflected rosy light onto Ciara’s face. The fading sun caught the golden sparkles dusted across her cheekbones and lengthened the feathered shadows of her eyelashes. Ciara made the sunset look pale. It was a torment to be confronted with her like this, perfect and inescapable. It made it impossible to speak—and impossible to forget just how badly it’d gone the last time she’d kissed her.

“Well?” Shea asked. “You’ve trapped yourself now.”

Ciara spoke in a rush. “I have. If I did not, I do not believe I’d have the courage to speak. I told you once that I am not a selfless creature, and it is true. It was a wretched trick I pulled. But I saw no other way out of this place, no other way to ensuremy own survival. And I do not think I understood, until just now, how much it would hurt you. I was more honest with you than I have been with anyone else. To hear you accuse me of manipulating you… of it being made into something so cheap… I am sorry, Shea.”

“I get why you did it,” Shea said quietly. “It’s okay. I wish I’d realized sooner that…”

She didn’t know how to say it. She hardly knew what she wanted to say at all.That I was too stubborn and guilt ridden to see what was right in front of me. That maybe we could be happy together.

Ciara seemed to understand. “It isn’t too late.”

Yes, it was. Shea groaned. “God, Ciara. What were you thinking? You shouldn’t have given me your spot. You should—”

“Fine.” Ciara’s eyes glittered, depthless and mysterious. “Earn it back.”

“Be serious.”

“I am being serious.”