Page 53 of Moon Chosen

The forest is on fire. I did it. Somehow I did it.

Smoke was roiling around her. She could hear the men shouting to one another, but the voice of the fire as it fed on the dry underbrush was deafening. Mari couldn’t see them, nor could she make out what they were saying. She could not see Leda, either.

Mama is dead.

Mari simply stood there, rooted in place by despair and loss as the fire intensified around her. To her right a huge old log was fully engulfed in flame. The heat was causing her skin to redden and her hair to smolder. Mari stared at the log. A small pine next to the log caught fire like a candle’s ripe wick. The long, tendril-like branches of the willow behind her began to curl inward and sway madly on the currents of expanding heat.

Very soon that will be me. I will burn high and hot. Maybe, maybe, I will be with Mama again then. She believed that. She believed we all return to the earth, and to the Great Earth Mother.

It was easy, really. She could just stay where she was. It would be over quickly, almost as quickly as it had been over for her mama. Mari’s shoulder’s drooped. Her eyes closed. She wrapped her arms around herself, pretending for just a moment that she could feel her mother’s comforting embrace.

She felt his presence then—against her left leg. Mari opened her eyes. Blinking through smoke and tears she looked down. Rigel was there, sitting quietly at her side, pressed against her leg. He did not whine. He did not grab her tunic and try to pull her away. He simply waited with her. Mari knew then beyond any doubt that if she chose to end her life, it meant the end of Rigel’s life as well.

“No! Not you, too!” Mari cried and scooped the pup into her arms. She bolted through the willow tree and jumped over a smoldering log. And then Mari ran downstream. She didn’t look back. She focused only on holding Rigel close to her, shielding him with her body from the heat of the fire as well as the prying eyes of the seeking Companions.

When they reached the creek Mari splashed into the water. Only then did she glance back, but the Gathering Site, and the bank where her mother lay, were completely obscured by smoke. She let Rigel swim beside her, keeping a hand on his wet fur, wanting to touch him—to be sure he was safe, alive, still with her. When they reached the far bank he scrambled up it, staying at her side—as if he, too, needed the comfort of her closeness. When they climbed to the summit of the bank, she ignored her weary muscles and lifted the Shepherd in her arms again and then, not knowing what else to do, Mari began to jog home.

She didn’t slow until she reached the edge of the brambles. There she collapsed with Rigel on her lap. He stayed curled there, panting with stress, but otherwise not moving, only watching her with amber eyes that suddenly seemed bottomless and wise.

Mari could feel his love—feel their bond.

That was all Mari could feel.

A tremendous sense of numbness sank through her veins, pumping through her body in time with her heartbeat.

“Mama is dead,” Mari told Rigel, speaking the words aloud. Tasting them. Trying to digest them.

Rigel didn’t respond. He didn’t even tilt his head with the playful listening pose he usually took when she talked to him. He just watched her with wise, old eyes.

She’d said the words. She’d seen Leda die. But it was just so fantastical—so very, very hard to comprehend—harder to comprehend even than one of her mama’s stories. Mari squeezed her eyes closed.I’ll sketch her alive! I’ll sketch her alive! I’ll make it my reality.

“Rigel!” Mari opened her eyes to peer intently at her canine. “What if I misunderstood? What if the reality is different from what I thought I saw?What if Mama is just hurt and not dead?” Rigel made no sound. “I have to go back. I have to see. If she’s hurt I can heal her tonight when the moon is fully risen—I know I can! And even if she really is dead I can’t leave her out there, by herself, to be eaten by the swarm.” The more she spoke, the more Mari believed. She had no choice. Whether Leda was dead or alive, Mari had to go back for her mama.

Mari gently moved Rigel off of her lap, and then stood slowly on legs that felt liquid. Acting more on instinct than true understanding, Mari turned to the west and faced the sun.

“With me, Rigel. I need your help.” Rigel turned with her and stared up at the midday sky. His eyes immediately began to glow. Mari stretched her hands over her head, reaching for the burning, yellow orb, and, for just a moment, felt its warmth and power sizzle through her body. It was over as quickly as it had begun. Feeling stronger, she dropped her arms and found Leda’s staff. Leading Rigel, she parted the brambles so that they could follow the labyrinthine path to the burrow’s entrance. Inside she set to work immediately. First, Mari gave Rigel water and drank long and deeply herself. She felt as if the fire that had somehow exploded from within her had left her utterly parched. Then she went to her mother’s room. Mari didn’t allow herself to think of anything except checking the Healer’s pack that Leda took with her every night. Within the neat woven bag were bandages and ointments, herbs and liniments. Mari made sure there was plenty of numbing salve, as well as her mother’s most powerful internal pain relievers. Then she drew a deep breath, and faced Rigel.

“You have to stay here. I don’t know if the Companions will be gone. I—I can’t let them see you. I can’t lose you, too, Rigel.” Mari began strong and sure, but as she spoke the pup began to whine and pant in distress, and her voice broke. She went to her knees, cupping his face in her hands and staring into his eyes, willing him to understand. “Please don’t be sad. Please don’t make any noise. Please just wait for me. I promise I’ll come back to you. I promise. You’re all I have left. I can’t lose you, too, Rigel,” she repeated. Still holding his gaze, Mari sketched within her mind a picture of Rigel curled on their pallet, watching the door, waiting for her.

She hugged him then and, before she began to shatter from the inside out, Mari kissed him, stood, and hurried to the door. She knew he followed her. She knew that she closed the door in his face, but she couldn’t look back. She only hesitated long enough to mimic her mother’s actions by touching the Earth Mother image carved into their arched doorway. Mari stared at the lovely Goddess and prayed silently and earnestly.You don’t have to speak to me, Earth Mother. I understand that I’m different from your people, but Mama isn’t different. She belongs to you. So for her, not for me, I ask it of you. Please—please save Leda—your Moon Woman—my mama—my best friend.

Mari didn’t allow her thoughts to wander as jogged along the little deer path. She could not think of Rigel back in the burrow, filled with worry and sadness. She could not acknowledge that in leaving him behind she had also left behind a part of herself—perhaps the best part of herself. She would not think of might have beens or maybes. She would not feel. There would be time enough for thinking and feeling afterward—after she’d brought her mama home.

Mari smelled the smoke before she heard the voice of the creek. She slowed and left the path, creeping silently forward, pausing often to listen. She heard men’s voices and slowed even more, concentrating on using the plentiful underbrush to conceal herself.

Finally she reached the edge of the steep bank. On her stomach, Mari crawled forward and slowly, slowly, looked down.

The forest wasn’t ablaze as she thought it might be, though smoke still darkened the Gathering Site, obscuring much of her vision. As the wind shifted and the smoke eddied, Mari caught glimpses of the three men. They had taken off their shirts and were beating at the smoking foliage with their clothes. She could see that her willow was charred, and the brush and bushes closest to it were completely burned, but that was the worst of the fire. It seemed as if the men had contained it and were now working to defeat it. The two small Terriers were by their Companions’ sides, busy digging fresh earth and letting it fly up behind them to cover what the men had already beaten out, as if they knew to be sure even any coals were smothered.

Of course the Terriers know. Rigel would know. Rigel would be working beside me to put out the fire, too.

As soon as the thought came to her mind, Mari’s hand went to the space beside her, seeking the warmth and comfort of her Companion. His not being there was an open wound in her battered heart.

Mari dug her hands into the damp earth and steadied her thoughts. Then she looked down to her side of the creek’s bank. She found Leda right away. She hadn’t moved at all. Mari couldn’t see her face. Leda’s neck was twisted too far in a wrong-looking angle.

It doesn’t matter. She might still be alive. And all I need is just the smallest spark of life and I might still be able to heal her.

Mari focused all of her attention on her mother, willing her to move—even a tiny bit.