Page 32 of Something like Desire

When he comes back, he’s not the same. The easy calm from before is gone, replaced by the same angry vibe he had when I first met him at the resort.

“Is everything okay?” I ask softly.

“Fine,” he says curtly, dragging a hand through his hair before dropping his gaze.

A few minutes of tense silence pass. “That was my mom,” he says finally. “She’s still a mess over all of this. No offense, but I really wish my dad never met your mother. She’s got him acting so out of character.”

I jerk my head back. Where is this coming from? “No offense?” I repeat. “Of course I take offense to that. I feel like we were on the same team after the first night and now we’re what, playing the blame game again?” My heart speeds up and my hands clench. He’s back to being hot and cold again and I can’t keep up. “It’s getting late. Can you drive me back to my car now?”

The drive back to the dance studio is a stony silence. Zach stops beside my Prius and turns to me with a solemn expression. “Sorry,” he says quietly. “I’ve always felt the need to look out for my mom, and when I hear her as upset as I did just now, it makes me feel sort of helpless.”

“You’re not the only one who feels helpless,” I retort. “My momandyour dad both messed up everything for both families. Your dad brought out a different side in my mom too.” I step out of the car.

“See you Thursday?” Zach asks, a touch of hope in his voice.

Despite his mood swings, I’m not going to abandon our plan when we could be on the verge of success. “Yeah,” I answer, giving him a somewhat bitter thumbs-up. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

FOURTEEN

After last night, my head’s swirling like a snow globe that someone won’t stop shaking. I’m feeling emotions I’ve never felt before and I feel like if I say them out loud, people will know what a shitty person I am. I needed to invite Maren over today, needed her advice pronto, because even if I really am a shitty person, she’ll call me out on it but still love me anyway.

“So, you’re attracted to an Aries man,” Maren says, immediately cutting to the chase. She’s wearing a pretty lemon-print dress, and she’s curled up on my couch—on the new navy-blue velour cover I ordered online. Judging from the content look on her face and the way she has her cheek pressed up against my armrest, Maren clearly finds it very comfortable.

“Not after his mood swing. But I can’t deny that he’s caused me some complicated feelings.” I stretch out on the other side of the couch, but my arms stay folded. “Jayden’s such a kind, dependable person. I don’t know why I can’t just ignore the strange energy I have around Zach.”

Maren studies me silently. “Okay. Go on.”

I chew the inside of my cheek, then finally let out a breath. “Every time I see him, I tell myself not to get wrapped up in the energy field around him.”

Maren makes this motion with her hands like she wants me to keep going and cut to the chase.

I stare at the ocean print on the wall behind her, wishing I could climb inside it and forget my feelings for a few weeks. “I started wondering about what his sign was when we were sitting at the park on the bench, looking at the beginning of the sunset, and it was quiet between us, but not like an awkward quiet, more like just this comfortable silence where neither of us felt any pressure to say anything at all. I haven’t had that feeling for as long as I can remember. Whenever I’m around someone I don’t know super well, and it starts to get quiet, I feel so much pressure to say something, anything, so it isn’t awkward. This time, I was fine letting it be silent. I didn’t feel like there was a need for words.”

“That’s the compatibility between your signs,” Maren says dreamily. She sits up, pulls her knees up to her chest, and hugs them. She’s totally in her element now. “Before I get started on that though, I’m wondering how the park came into the story. You told me about following them to the resort and then to the dance class. Were your mom and Nicholas at the park too?”

I press my thumb into the couch cushion, watching it sink and rise. “Well, no, but we got busted at the studio and Zach led me to his car and took off to the park and then we just hung out there for a while, to calm down after almost being caught.”

“So, you calmed down by sitting on a picnic bench watching the sunset?” Maren leans in, eyes sparkling. “Doesn’t this Zach guy feel wrong watching the sunset with a girl who has a boyfriend?” Maren blinks at me twice, quick and pointed. The silence stretches for a beat. “Lexi, you haven’t told him about Jayden yet, have you?”

I suck in a breath and let it out slowly, through my nose. “No, it’s not like that. It just hasn’t come up. I didn’t really have a natural opening to announce that I have a boyfriend. If I just came out and said it, it would be awkward and weird, you know? Like, look, it’s your dad and my mom dancing to merengue music. Did you know I have a boyfriend, and his name is Jayden, and we’ve been together since college?”

“Not like that, you dork. You know what I mean.” Maren makes a face and throws a pillow at me. “From the way you’re describing things, it sounds like you’re getting pretty close, and if you’re not interested in the guy, like you’re saying you’re not, then you should probably tell him so you don’t lead him on. He sounds like he’s pretty interested in you.”

“You think so?” I ask, and I can’t deny that I sound slightly hopeful. My body, and now even my tone of voice, keeps betraying me. I really need to get my shit together.

“Sounds like you need some time to think stuff through. And you should do exactly that. Take some time. It isn’t selfish.”

“Jayden keeps talking about marriage,” I burst out. “And as much as I try, I just can’t picture that. Like, I try my best to imagine us at our wedding ceremony, me walking down the aisle, him crying with how pretty my dress is and how hot my cleavage looks, but I can’t. And us having kids? I can’t picture any of that. And in my life, anything that I want... like, truly want... I can completely visualize. It scares me.”

Maren shoots me a sympathetic look and rests a hand on my back. “Maybe you need a timeout from life for a while? Like a couple of days of not talking to anyone at all so you can think?”

“Well, it doesn’t look like I can do that. My sister’s getting married in a few weeks, and she’s tasked me with ruining my mom’s affair so her wedding isn’t a complete disaster and she can have all the points checked off on her nonnegotiable list.”

“So, you tell your sister you’ve done all you can and it’s timeshehad a turn. Like...now,” Maren says, chopping the air with the side of her hand to punctuate the words.

“I don’t see that happening. Gia isn’t exactly delicate with people. She’d probably run Nicholas over with Mark’s pickup truck. The last thing I need is for her to be arrested and sent to jail. I need to look out for her.”

“Not if it’s at your expense.” Maren sits up straight and crosses her legs. “Can you picture a future with this other guy? Wait... what’s his name? I feel so out of the loop.”