Page 90 of In a Word, Yes

“Bad design.”

“Seriously. Doesn’t it seem like you’d have a fifty percent chance of opening the right end? But no.Zeropercent. What’s up with that?So anyway, in the dream I’m super frustrated, and you say to me very calmly”—here I lower my voice to mimic Roger’s—“‘Try this. After you use it, put it back in the jar with the pencil end down every time. Or put the brush end down every time. That way, when you take it out, you’ll always know which end is up.’”

“This is one of your weirder dreams, hon.”

“Hang in there. So the next thing I know, I’m back on that country road, and it’s someplace all new to me, and there are trees, tall trees, and I’m walking, and there’s a field of yellowy grass—or maybe it’s hay, now that I think about it—and there’s a yellow bird on the fence, very pretty, and I stop to admire the bird, and then I realize that the gate to the pasture sits wide open. It’s like this open invitation.”

“That’s not so unusual, is it?” Roger says. “An open gate?”

“No, of course not. What’s unusual is this strong sense that I’m supposed to go through the gate. And I want to. It’s very inviting, this beautiful open field on the other side, and it occurs to me I’d like to do a million cartwheels all the way across it.”

Rog chuckles. “I haven’t seen you do a cartwheel in—”

“With good reason,” I say, laughing. “The point is, I’m compelled to pass through the gate. Okay, so now you have it. What do you think this means?Do I need to get my affairs in order?We probably should, you know.”

“Oh, I don’t think ... were they pearly? Shiny? The gates.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. There was only one gate. The plain old metal kind, like my folks used to have leading out to their pasture. The kind you find on a ranch.”

“Got it. Okay, well, did it feel like ... another realm?”

“I don’t know. How would I know what another realm would feel like? No, not especially. I just know I was being invited into this broad new place.” I swallow my last supplement. “So, what’s your take?”

When it comes to analyzing my crazy dreams, Roger is a wizard.

“Let me give it some thought. And we should both give it prayer. But right off the top of my head, the part about the pencil makeup thing seems clear enough. If you keep doing something the same way you’ve always done it, you’ll get the same results.”

“Definition of insanity.”

“Right. So maybe if there’s a message in all this, it’s that there’s a new way of doing things that will bring you peace. But what do I know?I’m just one guy. Hey, anything else about the dream? Anything you didn’t mention?”

“Yeah ... mountains.”

Thirty-Four

ambivalent(adj.): having simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings toward something or someone

Lucy

Wednesday morning, I arrive to find Sam out front wearing his sheepskin jacket and scattering ice-melt. Yesterday’s rain turned into today’s frozen death trap, giving me just the excuse I needed to dig out my adorable fur-lined snow boots.

Winter wear makes me happy like few other things do.

Sheesh. I can’t seem to regulate the beam that wants to shine out through my eyes and betray me as someone who’s both entertaining romantic ideas and questioning the wisdom of them.

Let’s be honest. This whole line I’m feeding myself about deepening my friendship with Lieutenant Wyatt Hayes is a ruse. These sensations whenever I’m in his presence signal something more, something hoped-for.

And now we’ve calendared a hike this weekend, weather permitting.

My stomach is filled with tiny, mischievous fairies guzzling prosecco and tickling each other.

Think, Lucy.If a friend came to me for advice about this situation, what would I tell them?That’s easy enough. I’d say,Talk to me about any red flags, and talk to me honestly. Because I would never in a million years want someone I cared about to experience anything at all close to what I’ve experienced.

Life is too precious to waste on the wrong thing. Singleness beats selling out every time.

Let she who has ears to hear, listen.

The thing is, with Wyatt, I’m starting to wonder if the only red flags are on my side.