Page 20 of If I Go Down with This Ship

Where no living man should go

He’ll face the cap’ain’s sword and tip

If he slips in below

Stay out the cap’ain’s cabin

If you wish to live

Stay out the cap’ain’s cabin

For he’ll not forgive

Captain Night nods to me solemnly, and other than a jovial smile that tugs at the edges of his lips, he gives nothing away.The crew claps and bangs on the tables along with the music, obviously enjoying themselves, but all I feel is a strange sense of dread that in the choosing of this song there is some underlying meaning hidden—okay, not hidden.

They repeat the chorus, their voices ringing out, extra emphasis placed on “captain’s cabin.”The lyrics areclearlysaying that you don’t go into the captain’s cabin “if you wish to live,” and I don’t think Captain Night could be more direct.

Right.So he isnotflirting.He was never playing footsie but giving me a silent warning.I’m embarrassed I thought it might have been anything else.

Tarly does not seem to mind the crew and their not-so-musically-attuned voices.They raise their bowls in the air as they yell the lyrics at the top of their lungs, lost in the moment.Sir hops up onto the table and yawns as if he’s used to thenoise.He paces in a circle before curling into a ball and closing his eyes, completely unperturbed.

Across from me, Captain Night’s head bobs to the song, a genuine smile breaking out across his features, foot tapping mine under the table along to the beat.He loves this crew, loves every single one of them as they are.They’re not perfect, but from his expression, they’re perfect to him.

My stomach gurgles dangerously, and my vision swims, the song becoming a muddled mess as I grip the table, but it’s no use.Pressing a hand to my gut and the other over my mouth, I pull my foot away from Captain Night’s and stand.

Someone says my name, but I can’t place who it is, suddenly too sick to focus, the floor under me swimming, the song distorted as I crash into a wall.

Jesus, do pirates kill foranything?I can’t rightly explain to Captain Night why I was in his cabin, or why I was wearing his jacket when I stumbled up on deck, but I have no intention of ever going in there again.I know now what will happen if he finds me in there.Worse still, what happens when Captain Night opens the small closet door to the left of his desk only to findhisjacket hanging up there, the one he took from me an exact replica of it?

I’ve made a mess of things.

Most of the crew is unaware of me or the spinning thoughts in my head and the acid working its way up my throat as Tarly continues to sing, the words a startling contrast to his honey-sweet vibrato.

The cap’ain’s cabin is no place

For crew or cabin boy

And if in there he spots your face

You’ll have no employ

Stay out the cap’ain’s cabin

If you wish to live

Stay out the cap’ain’s cabin

For he’ll not forgive

Tarly slows down the melody, his eyes closing as he falls into the music, plucking the notes, dangling them like treats on a string.I take the moment to scan the group as I back away, bumping into a beam with a hiss, my stomach churning as the ship sways.Captain Night’s head snaps sharply to me, his expression unreadable in the dim lighting.I’m unable to look away, caught in those dark brown depths like a fly in a spider’s web.

But if the cap’ain invites you in

You simply must say yes

Tea and biscuits by the tin

For you are his guest