Page 27 of If I Go Down with This Ship

I slam the journal closed and slip it into my front pocket before standing.“Just some personal stuff.”

“Mhm.Come on,” he says, nodding to me.“Jack wants you at my side tonight.”

Feeling the weight of my journal in my front pocket, I follow him across the deck.We stop by the foremast, where Mick produces two small strips of rope.He begins by showing me what he claims to be the most important knot, a bowline.

“Bowlines can be used to secure lines or connect ’em, but at all times, a bowline must bear a load.These knots slip easily if they’re not used correctly.”

I chew on my lip as I slide the end of the rope through and yank, but it falls loose immediately.Mick laughs as he takes the piece of practice rope from me, showing me step by step as he bends the rope, drags the end through the small circlet, and wraps it around the other end before pulling it taut.

“Like that,” he says.Before I can take it to study, he quickly undoes the knot and hands the rope back with a raised brow.

Although I work clumsily at first, after well over an hour, and fifteen successful bowline knots, I start to get the hang of it.Finally, I knot the last one with raw, tired fingers, handing it over to Mick for inspection and squinting at Astra across the ship.

“Congratulations,” Mick says, slapping me on the shoulder.“You know one knot.”

“Thanks for being patient,” I say, taking the practice rope, gaze still glued to Astra.

“Captain!”they call from the quarterdeck.

I flex my cramping hands as Captain Night hurries toward them, his usually silent footsteps heavy across the deck.He stops beside Astra, gesturing to the map in hushed whispers.

“Where exactly are we going?”I ask, craning my neck and straining to see as Astra, Jack, and Captain Night rush down the stairs and disappear into the cabin.

“No need to worry, Lasz,” Mick says.“They’ve got it handled.”

I jerk in surprise, spinning to Mick.There’s something oddly comforting about him, about the use of my nickname, and I smile as he hands back my knotwork with a nod.

“’S everything all right?”Mick asks.

“Sorry,” I say, clearing my throat as I tug on the practice rope, double-checking my work.“Haven’t heard that nickname in…” I trail off, frowning.How long has it been?Not yet two days since Louise brought me to that dock.Still, it feels like weeks or months since I saw her last.The days aboard this ship seem long and tiring, and I spent a better part of last night and today passed out in Captain Night’s bed, which now that I think about it, must be out of the ordinary.

Has he ever offered his bed to another crew member?

“You’re a part of this crew,” Mick says, nudging me with an elbow.“Whether you like it or not.”He laughs as he ties a bowline on a nearby line, and the last seeds of the sun filter through the clouds, the day quickly disappearing into the night.“Come on,” he says, tugging off the line.“Tomorrow’s a big day.”

I lick my dry, cracked lips and take a long drink of lukewarm ale in the mess before following Mick down to the hammocks below.I fight to stay awake, craning my neck to watchas the last of the day crew file down below, no Astra or Jack to be seen.But soon, my eyes are closing, and I fall asleep before either appears.

I’ve been asleep for what feels like mere moments when ringing bells jerk me awake.Feet are scrambling and the crew is yelling when I tumble face-first out of my hammock, hitting the wood with asmack.I struggle to stand, blinking at my surroundings.

“What’s happening?”I ask, running a hand over the bump on my head and scanning the room.

“Sails ’ave been spotted,” Jack says, hauling me to my feet.As I straighten, I hear the treacherous sound of denim tearing, and, grumbling as Jack presses a fist to his mouth to keep from laughing, I assess the rip along the crotch of my jeans.

“Yeah, haha, get your laughter out now.”I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose.What am I supposed to do?It’s not like I brought extra clothes.

“Can’t ’ave you going ’bout with a rip like that.”Jack beckons me, and I reluctantly trail after him, trying to hold the gaping tear shut with my hands.“Follow me—not much time, now.”

He leads me through the bustling crew and down to the stores, where he pulls out a large sack and motions to it.“From the crew that… you know,” he says with a wave of his hand.“Find you something more suitable, hmm?”Patting me on the shoulder, Jack leaves me alone in the dim lighting.

I can hear the cries of the crew, their feet shuffling over the deck as they ready for whatever is to come.I want to cry.I’m not ready for a raid.I’m not ready to kill or torture or whatever it is pirates do during these, let alone hold a sword or dagger or gun.This is not the life I was prepared for.All I know isI need to stay alive long enough to find a way back, whatever that might be.

Not like I’ve done a very good job at figuring out how one travels back to one’s time.Or that I’ve had time to even try.

Riffling through the clothes, I cough at the cloud of dust and the mixed scent of body odor and death that lingers on them.Right, these are left over from the crew that died.Gagging, I pull out a simple blue shirt that has minor stains—sweat or blood, I can’t be sure—a pair of boots that are only slightly snug on me, and black pants that are too short for my long legs and widen just below the knee.

As I undress, hunkering awkwardly because of the short ceiling, I pause and reach into my jeans, fingers sliding along the smooth surface of the plastic bag encasing my phone.I’d forgotten all about it.To think, I was asleep for most of the day, and Captain Night didn’t check my pockets, didn’t even question the strange outline.

I move to pull it out of the bag and turn it on but decide not to waste what’s left of the battery.There’s no way to charge it, no use in carrying it with me for now, but still, I can’t let go of it.Not like my keys.Instead, I stash the bag in the sack of clothes and stuff it all into the corner of the hold, pushing a few crates and barrels in front of the sack for good measure.I fish out my journal next and stuff it into my back pocket.