Page 29 of If I Go Down with This Ship

“They’ll really just hand over whatever?”

Astra raises a brow.“You’d be surprised what men will do in the face of death.”

So serious.

“Jack, Astra, and Laszlo, with me.”Captain Night beckons us with a wave of his hand.“Come,” he insists when I make no move to leave.

Astra shoves me forward and I trip, catching myself on the railing beside Captain Night, my fingers brushing over his.My vision tunnels as I grip the railing for dear life, but if anyone notices, they say nothing.Captain Night’s finger presses into the back of my hand, there and gone so quickly, I can’t tell whether or not he did it on purpose.

As we clamber onto the gangplank, I taste the sea below us, feel the wind shoving against me, and it brings me back to climbing aboard the ship in London, Louise at my heels.My legs go wobbly beneath me, and I stumble to a stop, but someone’s hand at my back gently nudges me forward, and I force myself to go on, keeping my eyes carefully trained on the ship ahead of me.I sigh in relief when I hop down onto the other ship, catching myself on the railing and turning to examine the deck.I pick out their captain at once, an older man dressed in richer colors than the rest of them, a logbook under his arm.

As we approach, he holds out the logbook to Captain Night, who hands it to me.Our fingers brush once more as I take it, and I meet his heated glare before he turns back to the merchant captain.

Jack nods to Captain Night before beckoning to me.“Down the stairs you go, Laszlo.”

I don’t protest, but I pause at the top, freezing when Astra cocks a pistol and presses it into the shaking captain’s chest.

Swallowing, the merchant captain leads the two of them into his cabin, closing the door with a hollowclick.Jack says something to me, but I don’t hear it, just apologize quietly before hurrying down to their hold as other crew fromShe Deceitfulboard the merchant ship.

As I open the logbook down below and read aloud the contents of the ship’s cargo, I can’t stop myself from flinching as a single muffled gunshot goes off up top.

10Some Necessary Arr and Arr

Someonehands me a tankard of ale.I accept it with a curt nod and raise it in cheers before taking a long drink.The ale is refreshing after the last few days, and I finish it in a matter of gulps.I stand to refill it, taking a chunk of cheese and bread from the table, chewing numbly.

Every time I close my eyes, I hear that gunshot.It rings out in my mind, muffling everything else around me.Would he really do it?It’s not like I know Captain Night well enough to know whether or not he would, and I suppose it’s to be expected.Pirates kill; that’s a fact.

I guess I’ve just been living in a little fantasy world where I thought maybe he was different from the others.Or perhaps I wanted him to be different.Someone slaps me on the shoulder, jostling me, and I wince.They apologize, and I force a smile, searching the benches for a familiar face.

It was a good score, or so everyone says.Ten barrels of ale,several wheels of cheese, and a solid stock of salted beef.I didn’t realize until I was tallying up our new cargo, but despite having lost half the crew, they’ve been severely low on supplies.As Pip later surmised, this raid was a necessity if we wanted to make it back to land.

Or that’s what I convince myself.

But I know there’s something else they scored, something that Captain Night, Jack, and Astra are keeping from the crew.After we returned toShe Deceitful, Captain Night disappeared into his cabin with the two of them, and they haven’t come out since, leaving the rest of us to store away the goods before retreating to the mess for a bit of celebration for three days straight.

“Do they always do that?”I ask as I settle onto the bench next to Mick.Sir lies sprawled out on the table in front of me.He lifts his head in acknowledgment, and I leave him a small piece of cheese as a sacrifice.He nibbles on the cheese contentedly, and I scratch the back of his head with one hand, balancing the tankard of ale in my other.

“Who?”Mick asks.

“Captain Night, Astra, and Jack.Do they always disappear after a raid?”

He shrugs.“They make sure the crew has what it needs.We leave ’em to do that.”

I offer another chunk of cheese to Sir before I tear into a piece of bread.The secrets, the way Captain Night acts around his crew, and the fact that I, a strange man who suddenly appeared aboard this ship, am trusted.None of it makes a lick of sense, but I don’t want to dig where I shouldn’t.These are not people to be trifled with.

And for now, this is the only place I have.I can’t afford to make a wrong move.

My shoulders slouch as I swirl my ale, frowning down into the amber liquid.The more I think about it, the more I wonder if there’s a way for me to get back.I do not belong here, and no matter what I feel for Captain Night, it is obvious that we are too different.I think back toOutlander, to the way Claire and Jamie fought to send her back through the stones.But I don’t have jewels or anything to get me through time.All I did was put on a coat, and—

I nearly drop my ale.Captain Night’s coat.That’s it!That’s the thing that brought me here.

Sitting up, I tighten my hands on my tankard.The coat is the answer to everything.If I can just put it on once more, I can be sent back, can’t I?Back to where I belong.Because as fun and adventurous as pirating may seem, it’s not everything the stories have chalked it up to be, and I have plenty of research for my book.

I drink down the last of my ale and murmur “Good night” to Mick as I make to leave.

“Laszlo,” Mick says, voice pitched low as he catches my shirt.I pause.“Don’t put yourself where you’re not wanted, hmm?”

Swallowing, I nod, and Mick lets go.I can feel his eyes on my back as I disappear to the hammocks.Belly full and limbs warm from ale, I curl onto my hammock, tracking the gentle swing of the others around me.I’m the only one in here; the rest of the crew is still drinking and celebrating.